Tag: what will happen

Look at my nails.

Blondie came over on Friday evening and cooked! I wasn’t expecting that. He brought steak and cooked it and served it with salad and potatoes (that I nearly ruined by not taking them out of the packaging before putting them in the oven) and also a bottle of Merlot. It was nice. We had a good time.

Then earlier this evening I went out on a first date with another guy who doesn’t have a name yet. Let’s call him Rajive. He is a businessman and is very polite. We had dinner together and he was funny, highly intelligent and immaculately dressed.

Then, when it was past midnight, I received the world’s longest text message from Leroy, in which he begged me to give him another chance. I felt angry. I have a big crush on Leroy in a way that I am probably never going to crush on Blondie or Rajive but he has not been making me his number one priority in recent weeks. I consulted my internet girlfriends and after extensive debate the jury eventually came down in favour of giving him another chance. I am so cross with him. I sent him back a bunch of text messages in which I yelled at him and told him that it is his job and not mine to find some way of repairing the relationship, because I am not the one that broke it. So we’ll see. I didn’t feel like being nice to him, so I wasn’t nice to him. If I were him, I would start sending me flowers. I would have an Interflora delivery van on my doorstep tomorrow morning.

While the Internet Girlfriends were discussing all the details of Leroy’s long text message and what it all meant, I did my nails and now they have little slices of fruit glued to them as you see here. Which is a new thing, isn’t it. I wonder how long they will last.

right hand

left hand


I went to the gym to lift weights and then I walked 7 miles at a faster pace than my usual best effort until it felt like something was going twang in my leg. 2 Health points.

OMG dating news.

I had two emails. Actually, they arrived 2 days apart but I only just read them both together, just now, thanks to bloody meetup.com sending me thousands of notifications that I don’t need and that are laborious to opt out of. So here they are.


Pedro. Has fallen in love with his flatmate and wants to break up with me. Aww. No problem, baby, it’s fine. Do what you need to do. I am only disappointed that I will not get to see him react to my jaw-dropping weight loss while he’s been away, which I was looking forward to.


The Head Honcho. Said he has not stopped thinking about me for a week(!). Actually used the phrase ‘dreaming of you’.

I would love to think that it is just because he loves me, and I did think that for a few minutes but then I realised it’s more likely been triggered because he’s feeling like he’s not very in love with someone else. Hey ho. We will see what happens. It certainly makes me feel like exercising more. It is our two year anniversary next month, I told him to feel free to bring a present.

Now I need to clean my house again because Socrates is coming over tomorrow.

Roy Davis Jr: About Love


Right, it looks like Summer of Love is back on and I’ve got about three days to clean up my house and lose enough girth to fit into attractive underwear. Here’s all your daily news.

Diet, Fitness & Getting in Shape

In my view, this project is just going appallingly. Yes, I walk 8 miles every day (1 Health point for today) and yes I go and lift weights at the gym 3-4 times a week, yes I’ve only been doing it for like 3 weeks and yes I have already sprouted some great muscles. However. I am not losing fat as fast as I think I should, and then I for some reason had a massive carbs binge at the weekend, I think I felt sorry for myself or something because I had a lot of work on so obviously I was obliged to eat pie and cookies. I now look absolutely enormous. I am really not happy at all. I am on an incredibly strict no-sugar etc etc no refined carbs diet as of right now. This is a bad situation. I am scared to get on the scales, I have barely eaten a thing today, yet I look huge, it has all got to go by Saturday morning. Jesus Christ. Why is getting in shape so hard.


Well well.

So normally, if I were going on a date, I would pick nice shoes and a nice outfit, probably a dress, arrange my hair, you know the routine. However, this year our Summer of Love event has unexpectedly coincided with Fitness, Motherfuckers, so that’s why I showed up in sportswear. Despite and indeed because of my massive girth, I needed to go out for a walk and the only way I could fit that in was by walking to the date, to meet Swagger, who we shall henceforth call Socrates. So that’s what led to me showing up to meet this extremely handsome and very fashion-sensitive guy in my baggiest Pineapple t-shirt, running tights, muddy trainers, a sports bra, almost no make-up and a ponytail crudely pulled through a baseball cap from the pound shop. Seriously. I think he had made a big effort to look stylish and was disappointed with me at first glance.

I was in the mood for testing the strength of my charming personality, I guess. Luckily, I am fairly charming and he warmed up fast. I like him. Seems like he might have a little badman ting going on. We kissed a couple of times and made some uncomplicated and pragmatic plans to, erm, spend some time appreciating each other at my house this Saturday.

OMG. I would be excited if I wasn’t so huge. I feel like this is the fattest I’ve ever been, plus I’ve only done any housework on like two occasions since returning from Egypt 2 months ago. So now it really is time to get my act together. And I guess that is what dating is for.


I feel I should apologise to all the tourists who are in London right now, who came here on holiday on the understanding that June is summer. It is dark and it is pouring with rain. It makes me want to be somewhere with sun. Abdul has a new photo up and he looks delicious and so does the beach. I love his face and his body language, he’s full of attitude. He’s really intelligent and political, but he’s also quite aware of his own beauty, with the result that he looks great in photos. We are chatting a little bit. Nothing too heavy. I don’t think we are quite finished with each other. I feel like I just need about two or three weeks with him, actually, that would be enough. Just enough time for us to say all the things to each other that need saying.

In other news, I am seriously, calorie-counting, Proper Dieting as of today. My fridge is stuffed with fresh vegetables. Oh yes, and I bought digital scales at last. They did not immediately knock five pounds off me but at least I believe what they are saying. There’s a fifth date with Mr Environmentalist coming up so there’s every reason now to get back in shape.

Let’s have a tune. Let’s have some Wu-Tang.

Wu-Tang Clan: Gravel Pit (2000)

Fourth date with Mr Environmentalist

He’s really sweet. At first, I thought his sweet, conciliatory, self-effacing style was a front, but I am starting to take it more seriously. We’ll see what happens. It’s only been 4 dates. It’s a shame things didn’t work out with Marcel because we made it to about 4 months, and 4 months in is a really nice stage in a relationship, where it’s all still new and exciting but also you feel somewhat familiar to each other. If Mr E and I continue undisturbed on the current track, the 4-month mark could potentially be quite blissful.

Love, Etc.

Well. That was an unexpectedly nice evening. I even scored an Art point.

So it was my third date with Mr Environmentalist. As you know, in the fickle and consumerist culture of online dating, while no date is ever really that bad, only about 10% of first dates turn into a second date. Third dates almost never happen. In online dating years, three dates is a long, serious relationship.

So we had our third date (omg yay). I asked him for suggestions of things we could do. He came up with quite a few good ones. Because I wasn’t feeling very attractive, I opted for a date where I could keep my clothes on, so we went to the cinema. This was the only reason we went out. Otherwise I totally would have picked an indoors date.

Well, the cinema turned out to be great! We went to the British Film Institute and saw The King of Marvin Gardens (dir Bob Rafelson, 1972), starring Jack Nicholson and Ellen Burstyn.

marvin gardens

Blah blah, intelligent film reviews, you can find them. Let’s cut to the good part.

The mood was romantic and kissy and discreetly sexy. He is really sweet. I like him. He isn’t overbearing, he’s self-effacing if anything, but he likes to hold hands and kiss and say ‘you are beautiful’. It is very hard indeed not to like him. There totally is going to be a fourth date, this weekend and I am wondering where I can get emergency liposuction.

And THEN, as I was on my way home like a good girl who has work in the morning, I received a text from Abdul in Egypt. It didn’t say ‘Come out here to Egypt nao and be my wife’, it was just a hello, how are you kind of thing. It made my heart do a little skip and a jump when his text arrived, something I haven’t felt since the JC era. Oh, readers. Let’s all cross our fingers for a sensible outcome here. We are pretty much relying on his common sense.

The Melodians ft. U-Roy: Everybody Bawlin (1971)

Summer of Love #8: Mr Leaving In Fourteen Days plus! Muslamic Regimes

Another really sweet man. Vietnamese. Works in advertising. Is leaving the UK and going home to Vietnam in exactly two weeks. I discovered that even though he’s been in London five years, there are a couple of very important London-type things that he’s never done, including Afternoon Tea and Theatre, so we are going to attempt to do both of those in one day between now and when he gets on the plane.

Now for a music video and a bit of politics. The violent incident in Woolwich a few days ago was responded to with predictable anger and prejudice by the English Defence League, a small group of British Islamophobes. A member of the EDL is interviewed by the press in this video. The gentleman is very concerned about ‘Muslamic regimes’, which he thinks is pronounced ‘ray-gams’. I won’t even discuss the wrongheadedness of ‘Muslamic’, lol.  The whole thing is beautifully edited and set to music by Alex Vegas and it is a work of comic genius. Ready to sing along?

It’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening in other countries

It’s happening in every countries, like

eh … like … like … you got.

Alex Vegas ft English Defence League: Muslamic Ray Guns (2011)