Things are proceeding fairly well chez Gloria. I am being responsible and taking charge of some things.
I joyfully reunited with my hot periodontist who rebuilt one side of my face five years ago. I was so pleased to see him. He is much more pro-active than my other dentist and we really like each other. We had a workman-like discussion about what to do with the other side of my face. I feel no fear as I am a battle-hardened warrior now where dentistry is concerned. He is going to do about three episodes of gum cleaning to reduce the size of my pockets and then we are going to see about doing another sinus lift and putting in two more titanium implants. I had six last time, on the right side, so two on the left side does not make me break a sweat. It makes me laugh to think of how phobic I used to be of the dentist. The way I talk to him now, it is like getting the car serviced or building an extension on the house.
I gained a bunch of weight this month for no obvious reason, which I am v unhappy about, but I am dealing with it responsibly by cutting back on my food intake, esp carbs, and exercising every day (mix of outdoor walking, swimming and treadmill). If that doesn’t take care of it pretty rapidly, I will increase the amount of exercise until it starts working. In 2013 I used to go out for walks of 17km on a near daily basis and spare fat does not stand much of a chance against that kind of regime. So I am working back up to that.
I spent 90 minutes cleaning the kitchen today, which means I can cook, because while I am dieting I am also in the mood for thinking about meal planning and food preparation. I’ve just bought a fondue set, having wanted one my whole life and so I will soon make fondue with broccoli and cauliflower to dip in the cheese instead of bread. V excited.
On top of all this, I managed to finish a book, I’ve just read Every Day Is Mother’s Day, the first novel of Hilary Mantel (1985). It was very well-written and frequently funny but also rather dark and depressing so I shall not drag you through a long review. It was like shopping in a particularly bleak and wet corner of Britain on early-closing day.
I could collect a bunch of achievement points for all this but it wasn’t a huge effort so I shall wait until I’ve done something that required more effort, such as filling out paperwork for the mortgage and pensions guy.
My life is in a state of flux, as it often is. I have left behind that awful, miserable job (I have had nightmares about it since I left), and that’s obviously a good thing but also it was supplying me with a lot of social interaction and love because I was being hero-worshipped by 200 clients and that’s enough to boost anyone’s dopamine levels. That’s gone now.
Other things that I have traditionally relied on to boost dopamine: (1) romantic love – which I am missing terribly and could weep for if I let myself and (2) smoking this and that, which I am not doing any more because my lungs and teeth are not coping with it.
I am rather inspired by my friend who has had the most dreadful time recently. She lives alone like me and has recovered from a hip replacement with almost no help and is breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 years, which is a miserable experience for anyone, even when the fucker needs to go (I never liked him). Despite these gigantic challenges, she is as upright and future-facing as I’ve ever seen her and so how can I do anything but follow her example.
I now have the great luxury and privilege of only working one job and I know from experience that my business succeeds when I am happy and confident, so that’s an easy formula, isn’t it. It’s not rocket science.
This means I have TIME outside of work, which seems like a magnificent luxury after 1.5 years of working two full-time jobs. Here’s what I am doing with my glorious TIME that is designed to meet my social needs, keep my brain awake and keep lots of dopamine pumping around my system.
- I went to the GYM on Friday morning! Seriously!!! I amaze myself sometimes. I walked right in there, all my stuff was still in my locker, just like I’d never been away. I went for a swim. At 6.30am. I am going to attempt to do that again tomorrow. It’s a time of day when the pool is not crowded.
- I am going to go out ALL the time and see EVERYTHING around London. Everything. This is one of the greatest cities in the world, if not the greatest, and I am going to industriously see all of it. I even joined MeetUp so I can go and do more things and meet people.
- I just plucked up my courage and emailed my neighbourhood community choir and told them I want to join, if they will have me, and I am coming to rehearsals on Thursday.
I am still video gaming and I am still doing some online dating but I am going to make a priority of doing activities that involve going outside and having relationships with people that aren’t based on casual sex, or indeed unfulfilled romantic pipe dreams.
Are you impressed? I am. I am a mental health warrior.
Get up at 4am. In the pool at 6.30am. 600m.
I have been back at work for 2 days and already they are trying to fuck me over. Exercise is supposed to be good for this sort of thing but I was more angry when I got out of the pool than when I got in.
People ask me if I am going to leave. And my answer is no, I cannot leave. Because if I leave, I will sue this organisation like it has never been sued before. I will sue it with every ounce of my energy, I will sue it for constructive dismissal, for the 720 hours of overtime that it required me to do and didn’t pay me for, for £60k of lost business and £2,500 in expenses. So those are the options. We can have that OR you can let me run the company instead of everybody sitting on their fat arses while we haemorrhage customers.
I am smoking this morning and I will try to quit again tomorrow.
OK, so as promised, I sorted out and tried on all of my sportswear. I did this in front of the mirror and I am now under no illusions about where those extra 25 lbs are, they are as plain as day.
I separated the clothes that I can wear from the stuff that is too small, which turned out to be about half and half. The small half is now packed in a box. When I have dropped 12 pounds, which will bring me half way to where I want to be, I will try on all of those clothes again and we’ll see how many items we can take out of the box and put back into general circulation and how many garments are left behind.
After all that I was highly motivated to take action so I went to the gym this morning and swam 600m, or 30 lengths of the pool. It took a while and was hard work because I am very unfit and have lost a lot of muscle in my upper body. But I did it. Tomorrow I will return to the gym and do something else. Weight training if I am feeling ambitious. Need to build up my arms.
Did a day’s work. Worked productively. Fulfilled obligations to other people. Worked on the red and blue zones of the life plan. By 7pm I was very tired and I wanted to go to sleep, also the lower back pain that I occasionally get was hitting me with a vengeance. But I was aware that I had not yet done any yellow zone activities, which is about the health of my internal organs. So I limped to the gym, got in the pool and swam 30 lengths, which is enough to earn a Health point. Drank a protein shake while walking home and then shovelled a couple of handfuls of fresh fruit into my mouth while standing in the kitchen.
Now I really am exhausted and I need to lie down. 1 Health point. I swear I will get travel photos to you as soon as I have the strength. I can see that I am going to need a daily routine and also that I need to start going to the gym in the mornings because it is the only part of the day where the pool only includes people who want to actually swim, ie not children or people who think it’s fun to use the pool to stroll about chatting when clearly that is why God invented shopping malls.
Discipline: doing things you would rather not do at that moment, but which are good for you.
I went to the gym and used the pool! I am as weak as a kitten and managed 35 lengths, at about half my normal speed, plus I had to keep stopping for breaks, however 30 lengths is all you need to earn a TLYW health point. Then I had errands to do around my neighbourhood and walked everywhere for over an hour. I only need to repeat that formula on about 100 more consecutive days and by the end of it I will be able to swim 100 lengths and walk for 3 hours without really trying and hopefully will be slimmer and more muscular.
2 Health points.
I am not departing for my next trip for a few days yet, but I am packing now because it helps me clean and tidy the house at the same time and know what laundry I need to do.
It certainly makes a nice change to pack for hot weather. Don’t need winter boots, overcoats or woolly hats, gloves or scarves for the Canary Islands.
I have just realised I will have to go to the gym whether I like it or not because my swimming cap, goggles and flip flops are there. I might go for an actual swim this evening because it would be stupid to go to the gym and not use the facilities. So I guess I am packing my gym bag as well.
I can’t wait for some real sunshine. I missed all last summer because I was indoors, stoned on anti-depressants. Now I’m physically and mentally back to normal and I am a bit desperate for some heat and sunlight.
Let’s have another picture of the resort. Look at the size of that pool. How lovely to be able to swim outdoors in nice weather. Note to self: get water-resistant sun lotion.
Apparently a lot of French and German visitors go to this resort, which sounds great, maybe there will be someone I can have a holiday romance with. Fingers crossed. At the very least, French and German families tend to have quiet, well-behaved children which is good as I am a bit worried that I have picked somewhere excessively popular. I am tempted not to take any more holidays until the Middle East calms down, is a more adult choice of destination.