Tag: clothes

What I Wore: 22 Dresses of Fall 2016

Yesterday was the last big day at the World’s Worst Company. By ‘big day’ I mean that I put on a flamboyant dress, get on a stage and address a large audience, at 9am and again at 3pm.

It was very emotional. I delivered two excellent performances. I am so good with large audiences. We had Mozart and Mendelssohn. My audiences, who have come to know me over three months, couldn’t get enough of me. At the end of the second performance, an actual queue formed of people who wanted to hug me. I must have hugged 20, maybe 30, people. It was incredible. I am a junkie for love and that was amazing, that was like an assault of love. It nearly knocked me off my feet. I cried. People told me I’d changed their lives.

So. It’s (almost) all over. Two more days of meetings, tomorrow and Friday, and then I’m on the payroll but not on the premises until 12 January, then I’m off the payroll as well.

I can probably best convey the fun parts of this job, which were totally amazing fun, by showing you what I wore. So here are my 12 favourite dresses that I wore this season, over the last 12 weeks, for the benefit and delight of all. Nearly all the dresses in this category are from lindybop.co.uk. They are very affordable and yes you do totally need gigantic tulle petticoats to make those skirts stand out.

12-favourite-dresses-of-2016And here are a further 10 honourable mentions, almost all by Phase Eight. All these dresses made me feel great and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to wear them. It might be the first time in my life that I felt like I actually had enough clothes.


As you can see, I looked the business for 12 weeks. It was an orgy of dresses and Dresses are what I am now known for, that and being bloody brilliant at my job.

It’s almost over.

I’m so ragey and tearful and I don’t think it’s all down to caffeine withdrawal.

This morning I had a phone call with someone at the World’s Worst Company about why I am leaving. I listened to myself talking. I listened to myself explaining how much it meant to me, to have the chance to return to an industry that I had been missing and wanting for 16 years. How much it meant to me to have the chance to revive a career that is what I was supposed to do with my life and had to turn my back on because of money.

Then I listened to myself explaining why I am about to turn my back on that career a second time. How I’ve taken 15 months of abuse from this company that I can no longer forgive. How I can’t wait any longer for it to get better, because it never gets any better. How we’ve abused our customers in a way that I can’t continue to be a part of. How the entire organisation seems to run on a tacit agreement that everyone should do as little work as possible. Everyone keeps quiet about it so that everyone can keep getting away with it. Everyone pays lip service to quality and customer satisfaction just as long as it means that nobody has to do any ACTUAL work. I can’t adjust to that and I am never going to adjust to that. I’m not retired and I couldn’t be that lazy and defeatist if I tried. I was born to work. And that’s why I can’t spend any more time with them or being required to represent them because they are professional work-avoiders.

I listened to myself talking and I am so angry. I am so angry and so bitterly disappointed. Then I ended the call and then I had another cry.

Let’s count how many more days until I am out of this nightmare.

  • I will down tools and stop being on the payroll at midnight on December 31st, that’s 7 weeks and 3 days away.
  • I can work from home and stop going to that horrible office in early December. My last day on the premises will be Friday 9 December, that’s 4 weeks and 2 days away.
  • Between now and then, I have to be physically on the premises 14 more times.

What do I have to show for this, 15 months of sweating blood for this company and sincerely doing everything I could for our customers?

  • It paid my bills for a few months while I was getting my business back on track.
  • I have a lot of clothes.
  • I met the Person who I’m not supposed to be in love with. My prize. If that’s all I take away with me, that’s enough. Plans are in place.

I looked for my career and it was not there and I have to accept that. I found love and I wore some nice dresses, and that is something. Now I need to get through the last few weeks and then I need to rest.

In which I brush my teeth into a pulp.

A quick news round-up because my life is non-stop news and action.

  • Time. Fuck, I am so tired. I even get up at 4am on the weekends, just to get everything done. I am wiped out. I CANNOT WAIT to be released from the job at the World’s Worst Company. It’s going to be awful for another 6-8 weeks then I’m free and I can have a normal life again. I will be able to have days off, see my family, and I won’t have to get up at four o’clock in the fucking morning seven days a week.
  • Health. Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Okay, so I had my ruined teeth bleached, using the latest laser technology, with unexpectedly fabulous results and at horrifying expense. As a direct result of this: (1) I quit smoking, I am afraid to smoke. My gums look better already. (2) I quit coffee. I am suffering HORRIBLE caffeine withdrawal symptoms. HORRIBLE. But they will eventually pass. (3) I am still losing weight, yay! I am basically afraid to put anything at all in my mouth because my newly-bleached teeth are as absorbent as cotton wool. So I am hardly eating. Also, I brush my teeth approx. 14 times a day. Tomorrow I’m seeing my dentist again and we are going to start another long round of cosmetic work, which is worth doing now I’ve finally quit smoking.
  • Emotions. Hanging on in there. All I can see now is leaving my job at Xmas – hooray! – and, relatedly, as I become thinner and cough less and have better teeth I am becoming exponentially more attractive to the Person who I am secretly in love with. Win.
  • Finances. An absolute car crash as usual, except that my private business is booming. Booming, I tell you. If I could find time to send and chase some invoices, I would be sorted.

The people at the WWC are freaking out because I finally quit. Too late, guys. You’ve had 13 months of my life already, you have no serious work for me to do and you are not making good use of my time and resources. I’m gone. You should have taken some time to listen to any of the things I’ve been saying to you for the last year.

As is tradition, let’s identify at least one thing that is making me happy right now. I am nominating Love. The Person has realised that I am going to be available in new ways from January onwards and we could in fact have a relationship if we wanted to. He is considering his options. I am getting my teeth fixed and wearing dress after dress. It’s time for this particular love story to reach some kind of conclusion. I don’t know which way it is going to go. Either we are going to fall in love properly or he will panic and fail to follow through. I can’t tell which it will be. He’s not the most grounded, mature or decisive individual I’ve ever met, on the other hand, if we can get some sort of relationship going, he will be the most fashion-forward man I’ve ever dated and every single week we spend together will be London Fashion Week. Sex is a secondary consideration, really. Mainly I just want to dress up like a Disney princess and skip to some clothes shops together. It’s almost a gay best friend scenario except that I would be able to touch him as well. I don’t know what more a girl could want. Please cross your fingers for me, and I’ll abstain from smoking and keep industrially cleaning my teeth. Love.

The Shirelles: Dedicated To The One I Love (1959)


Will you look at that. It has foxes on it, and snow. Come December, I am wearing that to work.


I started the big round of dental work today. I am taking antibiotics and all I want to do is sleep but I need to clean my house again, open the post, send some invoices and generally do some more work.

The first of the Big Dresses is tomorrow, it is a red and pink floral number, as you know, and I am going to wear a large pink tulle petticoat, like you see there, except frothier.


Fashion week

I have such a busy week ahead of me, I will be out every day, I start early, I have presentations and meetings all day and I have business meetings in the evening.

I am not meal planning, I am going to be eating out a lot. I am, however, planning my clothes. I just had to write ‘choose outfits for the week, iron as necessary’ on my already crammed task list because I will not have a fun time trying to pick out clothes at six in the morning when I was out the night before.

I’m not the slimmest I’ve ever been, currently tipping the scales at 156 pounds, up 9 pounds since I was in the US in July. This also requires careful dressing. So here’s what I’m thinking of wearing to work.


No meetings today. Dentist. I have just committed to another round of work to rehabilitate my teeth. My dentist is happy because I am single-handedly funding his future retirement. I am happy because he does a good job on my teeth and doesn’t judge me for drinking coffee and smoking.


A heavy work day involving 2 presentations to large audiences. First day of the new season. A good reason to dress up.


Action: needs ironing.


A lunch meeting and then later a business dinner with an old business associate who is shamelessly flirting with me (the Scandinavian scientist is away, she said, a propos of nothing). That’s a lot of food in one day. This silky viscose dress by Phase Eight is forgiving around the middle and gives me knockout cleavage.


Action: find dress, pick out shoes, accessories, outerwear.


Host and facilitate workshops all day. This Banana Republic dress is generously sized and is fun while being less theatrical than Tuesday outfits.

floral dress

Action: pick shoes, accessories, etc.

To-Do List

  • lay off the carbs NAO. In fact, stop eating outside of meetings.
  • start following the dentist’s instructions, work begins this week

Ooh, I am excited about my business date on Wednesday. Glad I bought that new bra.

You’ve really got to get up and dance to this. You know I don’t lie about these matters.

Suzanne Paul: Blue Monkey.


My day job at the horrible company starts next week. I just got a look at my client list, I’ll be working with these people for the next 3 months.

One of the projects I am running this season has attracted double the number of clients compared to when I inherited it this time last year. Why? Because my name is on it and I am a superstar. 90 people signed up for that project. 90 of them. I am so fucking flattered. I’d like to see anyone else in that company pull a crowd that large without trying.

All this makes the whole situation a lot better. I am ready for some client love. I’m also ready to wear some CLOTHES. Are you ready to rock 12 weeks of FASHIONS? You better be. I’m thinking of wearing this on the first day.




Dress the fuck up.

Suddenly I’m popular with senior management because of the glowing reports from my clients. I am now experienced enough with this company to not trust anyone but my clients, everyone else is either a lying snake or incompetent or both.

Anyway they don’t want to fire me this week and that means they’ve now got 17 weeks left to tell me to get out. After that it will be more difficult to get shot of me.

I am responding to the situation in the only way I know how: (1) love my customers, sincerely and with an open heart; (2) play a lot of UK garage; (3) outdress everybody in the organisation. I am one smartly-dressed motherfucker. I make people who are more senior than I am look dishevelled. And now for a tune. Get up and dance.

Deetah: Relax (Bump & Flex Mix)