Right, that’s it. I’ve had enough of the happy pills now. I cut down to 20mg as of yesterday and I will cut down to zero in the next 4-6 weeks.
Points for the happy pills:
- They very quickly relieved me of an enormous amount of anxiety that I didn’t know I had.
- I eventually felt less depressed.
Reasons why it is time to stop now:
- The immediate causes of my extreme anxiety are no longer quite so immediate. Life is less traumatising than it was in April and May. Also less depressing.
- I am tired of being sedated. It is good to be free from anxiety but you can have too much of a good thing. I have no physical energy and I really, really struggle with the motivation to do anything. I do not think I am going to return to normal levels of productivity until I get some nervous energy back. I don’t want to sit on my arse all day long, feeling dopey, I’m tired of it. I missed the whole summer. Because I’m not moving around, I’m steadily gaining weight. I’m 150 pounds today and that is way, way too much, considering how much effort it took me to lose weight the last time. I want to go back to the gym and I need to get my butt off my chair to be able to do that.
- Unwanted and persistent side effects: headaches, muscle tension in the jaw and neck. Had enough of it now. Is becoming a quality of life issue.
- The artificially manufactured happiness isn’t quite happy enough to make it worth it. If I were a lot happier, like really noticeably happy, I would endure the headaches, weight gain and sedation as an acceptable trade-off. But it’s not really all that impressive a drug. I think there is a reason why this particular product isn’t being sold on the black market. People would complain.
- I would like to be able to start having orgasms normally again. Also a more normal sex drive would be good.
It’s almost October, isn’t it, and I promised myself that we would have a TLYW Oktoberfest, so that’s what we’ll try to do and hopefully I’ll rack up lots of Achievement points. Speaking of which, I’ve done reasonably well over the last couple of days. I have done 3 walks, 1 visit to the dentist and I even did one evening of Chinese, with a bit of encouragement from Charlie. So that’s 5 points all together.
Things are still going well with Charlie and also I am seeing Socrates tomorrow, which will be lovely, so I am well provided for.
Look, it is huge. I have somewhere for all my books and study materials. Imagine how much I will get done.
I collected another Health point by marching 10 miles yesterday and that means …. drumroll ….. we did it, folks. Five hundred Achievement points since the start of TLYW, exactly three years ago. This might be one of the world’s rare successful examples of gamification. At first I was very embarrassed indeed by the cheesiness of the whole points system and didn’t know how it would pan out over the long term, but 3 years later, here we still are.
It took six months to earn the first hundred points and I now wish I’d recorded a summary of how those points broke down. So, for the avoidance of future disappointment, here’s how those first 500 points are distributed:
- In first place, Health, with a massive 256 points, more than half of our grand total. I never thought of myself as someone who is good at looking after their health, and I still don’t. So 256 points is amazing to me. It includes 84 runs, 77 walks and 30 sessions of weight training, not to mention that whole bionic face thing.
- In second place, 80 points of Chinese. I therefore conclude that I actually know more Chinese than I think I do, and I should get back on it.
- In third place, 65 points of Housekeeping, also known as Reclaiming The Home. Which is good. The house is clean most of the time now. Although having said that, you would take points off me if you saw my kitchen sink at this moment.
Other notable points – I should Dance more and I am completely taking the piss and robbing my future self by not paying more attention to Finance. I think what this graph shows is that I should maybe cut back just a tiny little bit on the gym schedule and use that time to manage my money. I am not even going to worry about Books because I actually read a lot, I just don’t make the time to blog about it unless it is relevant to our favourite themes.
Overall, good work. I think Health was an area of my life where I needed to make a lot of improvements, as evidenced by the fact that I’ve lost 24 lbs and have six new teeth. So I am calling that a good start. I will now reset my target for 1,000 points and we will see if we can’t produce a more balanced-looking pie chart of achievements at that time. Also, since it has conveniently taken exactly 3 years to score 500 points, we will see if we can shave a few months off that time for the next 500.
Yay! 500 points! Crack open the champagne. Except don’t, because carbs. Have some sparkling water. Then get up and dance, because if we are going to do endurance sports then it’s about time we had the sheer luxury of the full-length, 15-minute version of Rapper’s Delight. Come on, Wonder Mike, do what you like.
Sugarhill Gang: Rapper’s Delight (1978)
Yay! I did some Chinese, mainly because I needed to score a point and it was an easy option. More details on the Hanyu blog.
In other news, I’ve heard from Pedro and there is talk of a date this weekend, which would be our 6th date. I am not sure why I am counting. Maybe I am cautious of being too optimistic because of Marcel unexpectedly flaking after 4 months of relative happiness. Anyway. He is a 宅男 and I am a 女神 and I don’t have a word for what Pedro is but he seems cool.
I’m doing loads of Chinese, 2 Chinese points for home study sessions learning how to read and write the characters. The diet is going horrendously and I am not buying or making any more tea-time foods for Marcel and Little G, because they just leave them for me to eat. Still haven’t been to the gym, don’t know why I’m avoiding it but at least my Chinese is improving. Hăo hăo xué xí, tiān tiān xiàng shàng, as we always say, right, kids?
I stay at home, because I am contented and in a reasonably good relationship, so I stay home and do my Chinese homework on a Friday evening, like a girly swot. Marcel is having an active social life this weekend with his new flatmate and I am trusting him not to get up to any tricks. 1 Chinese point.
Little G is not eating the lemon cakes, he is leaving them for me to scoff, which is not hard to do as they are delicious. I am putting weight back on, certainly won’t be making another batch of those for a while.
Meanwhile, there is suddenly a frenzy of Chinese study. I swear, I do not know what gods or forces of nature are controlling my life here, but it is what it is. A few days ago I was baking fairy cakes because I would rather die than do any Chinese. Then yesterday and today, all I want to do is Chinese and consequently I still haven’t visited the gym. Anyway. 1 Chinese point because I worked hard again this evening, aaaaaaand there is exciting news. There is a new blog, a sister blog to TLYW. Ready? Drum roll and a hearty welcome to:
Exciting! I will still record Chinese achievement points over here on the main blog, but The Hanyu You Want will be a good place for me to go into detail about vocabulary, grammar, methods of memorising Chinese characters and so on.