Category: News

It’s not terror if you’re not terrified.

I am checking in to confirm that I am still alive because there was yet another terrorist attack in London tonight, I was out around London, I was even walking around the London Bridge area in the earlier part of the evening.

Fuck you, terrorists, you’re not trying hard enough. I did not flinch when I arrived home and read the news and I will go out in London again and again and again and proceed with my normal life. There are 8m people in this city, you wankers, more than that on a Saturday night. What are you gonna do, run over 8m people with a van? You’re going to need more vans.

Tossers. It’s not terrorism if people aren’t scared.

I will publish another chapter of Starry Skies tomorrow.

This is your fault.

How are any of you able to make economic decisions that affect international trade relations?

I am never going to forgive you for this, you idiots. What have you done?

Now the vote is safely over, the rabidly anti-Europe Daily Mail has started to gleefully reveal the real consequences of this decision for its readers. They aren’t the brightest of people but some of them can understand things like “there’s going to be another recession, starting now” and  “you will have less money when you go on holiday”. Here are their reactions. Because they let the Daily Mail tell them how to vote on an issue they didn’t understand and should never have been allowed to vote on.

dm 1dm 2dm 3

Fuck you, Anne from the East Midlands. “We wanted everything spelt out like this so we knew the pros and cons” FFS, WHY DIDN’T YOU STAY AT HOME. WHY ARE YOU LETTING THE DAILY MAIL TELL YOU WHAT TO THINK? ARE YOU STARTING TO GET IT NOW?

But wait, it’s not all bad news. Some Brits are happy.

dm 5

Great. Why don’t we just close Peterborough down. What is it even for? Concrete it over and build a car park.

Brexit

People are really fucking stupid. We’ve just caused our own economy to tank. We were the world’s 5th largest economy and five hours later we were only the 6th largest, behind France. The pound has lost value against the Euro and the dollar – HELLO, Euros and dollars are my INCOME. Without Euros and dollars, I don’t have a business and I don’t have a job.

I live in London. London is the UK. Without London, we don’t have an economy. How did we end up in a situation where a bunch of elderly, uneducated Northerners are making economic decisions on our behalf? I don’t understand how things that serious are even a votable matter. I don’t care what Albert Tatlock thinks about Europe, he can stay out of my business interests. Who does he think is paying for his state benefits?

I just signed a petition for London to secede and apply independently for membership of the European Union.

Scotland feels the same way, apparently. We are talking about going in together and calling it Scotlond.

scotlond

scotlond map

ft brexit

Half of everything we sell to the rest of the world we sell to Europe