Effort.

This is a huge effort. I’ve been off sick for a couple of days with a persistent migraine that’s been hanging around since last Friday. I’m writing this as I’m starting to feel better.

I’m trying not to use my PC for too long, not just because of my headache but because it has developed another hardware failure and I don’t want to push it too hard and make it break down completely – ha, I have JUST realised what this is a metaphor for.

So I’m not at the office and I’m not at work at my desk, which is an unusual state of affairs, to say the least, and I look around for the Next Urgent Thing and it is the state of my house. I need to clean up, it is derelict.

I am trying not to waste any precious energy on being annoyed that the Person with whom I’ve enjoyed a close relationship for the last year cannot be bothered to email me or send a message asking how I am when they must be aware that I’ve been off sick for most of the week.

While I don’t have the energy to really care too much about that situation, it does throw the present circumstances into sharp relief. And the present circumstances are that no-one is going to help me with jack shit. I am on my own here and I have always been on my own. If I don’t do things for myself, they don’t happen. My flat is not suitable or hygienic habitation for humans and I think I’d better go round with a bin bag.

Two more weeks of having to go to the office all the time, then I can stop going there. I will still have a bunch of work to do from home but home is better and there is less travelling time and laundry.

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