I went back on caffeine because it is not physically possible to endure an 85- or 90-hour working week without it. It cannot be done.
Despite this, despite the fact that I have a jug of ground coffee brewing right here on the desk next to me, despite the fact that I would take it intravenously if I thought it would help, I am still experiencing ALL of the effects of caffeine withdrawal and I don’t know how to make it stop.
- Tinnitus so loud that it is seriously affecting my ability to hear other things and is difficult to ignore. It’s a loud hissing sound in both ears, it is there 24/7 and it does not take breaks, a bit like me and my work schedule. I remember when I didn’t have tinnitus, and I remember when it was present but quiet, only about two years ago when I was in Spain. Now it is loud.
- Tendency to pass out from fatigue.
- Rage, almost uncontrollable rage.
- Bronchial congestion even though I am a pristine non-smoker.
- The nightmares have eased off, I suppose that’s something. I’ve started to dream gay porn instead which is so much better and really the only good thing about my life right now.
I am working all around the clock, constantly, every minute. I would panic but I don’t have the time. You can tell it’s the weekend because I slept in until 5.30 this morning and now I am paying for it because I am behind on everything.
Counting. Watching the calendar. I have to go the World’s Worst Company 12 more times. My own private business is booming and will keep booming as long as I can fulfil all my obligations which, yanno, that’s why I’m at work every waking moment, 7 days/week.
One of my friends who lives in a former Soviet Bloc country made the mistake of gushing about Donald Trump and I exploded at him. Like I should even care. Not my circus, not my racist orange monkey.
Somebody tell me my brain is going to get better. It has to get better.