In which I brush my teeth into a pulp.

A quick news round-up because my life is non-stop news and action.

  • Time. Fuck, I am so tired. I even get up at 4am on the weekends, just to get everything done. I am wiped out. I CANNOT WAIT to be released from the job at the World’s Worst Company. It’s going to be awful for another 6-8 weeks then I’m free and I can have a normal life again. I will be able to have days off, see my family, and I won’t have to get up at four o’clock in the fucking morning seven days a week.
  • Health. Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Okay, so I had my ruined teeth bleached, using the latest laser technology, with unexpectedly fabulous results and at horrifying expense. As a direct result of this: (1) I quit smoking, I am afraid to smoke. My gums look better already. (2) I quit coffee. I am suffering HORRIBLE caffeine withdrawal symptoms. HORRIBLE. But they will eventually pass. (3) I am still losing weight, yay! I am basically afraid to put anything at all in my mouth because my newly-bleached teeth are as absorbent as cotton wool. So I am hardly eating. Also, I brush my teeth approx. 14 times a day. Tomorrow I’m seeing my dentist again and we are going to start another long round of cosmetic work, which is worth doing now I’ve finally quit smoking.
  • Emotions. Hanging on in there. All I can see now is leaving my job at Xmas – hooray! – and, relatedly, as I become thinner and cough less and have better teeth I am becoming exponentially more attractive to the Person who I am secretly in love with. Win.
  • Finances. An absolute car crash as usual, except that my private business is booming. Booming, I tell you. If I could find time to send and chase some invoices, I would be sorted.

The people at the WWC are freaking out because I finally quit. Too late, guys. You’ve had 13 months of my life already, you have no serious work for me to do and you are not making good use of my time and resources. I’m gone. You should have taken some time to listen to any of the things I’ve been saying to you for the last year.

As is tradition, let’s identify at least one thing that is making me happy right now. I am nominating Love. The Person has realised that I am going to be available in new ways from January onwards and we could in fact have a relationship if we wanted to. He is considering his options. I am getting my teeth fixed and wearing dress after dress. It’s time for this particular love story to reach some kind of conclusion. I don’t know which way it is going to go. Either we are going to fall in love properly or he will panic and fail to follow through. I can’t tell which it will be. He’s not the most grounded, mature or decisive individual I’ve ever met, on the other hand, if we can get some sort of relationship going, he will be the most fashion-forward man I’ve ever dated and every single week we spend together will be London Fashion Week. Sex is a secondary consideration, really. Mainly I just want to dress up like a Disney princess and skip to some clothes shops together. It’s almost a gay best friend scenario except that I would be able to touch him as well. I don’t know what more a girl could want. Please cross your fingers for me, and I’ll abstain from smoking and keep industrially cleaning my teeth. Love.

The Shirelles: Dedicated To The One I Love (1959)

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