Month: June 2016

This is your fault.

How are any of you able to make economic decisions that affect international trade relations?

I am never going to forgive you for this, you idiots. What have you done?

Now the vote is safely over, the rabidly anti-Europe Daily Mail has started to gleefully reveal the real consequences of this decision for its readers. They aren’t the brightest of people but some of them can understand things like “there’s going to be another recession, starting now” and  “you will have less money when you go on holiday”. Here are their reactions. Because they let the Daily Mail tell them how to vote on an issue they didn’t understand and should never have been allowed to vote on.

dm 1dm 2dm 3

Fuck you, Anne from the East Midlands. “We wanted everything spelt out like this so we knew the pros and cons” FFS, WHY DIDN’T YOU STAY AT HOME. WHY ARE YOU LETTING THE DAILY MAIL TELL YOU WHAT TO THINK? ARE YOU STARTING TO GET IT NOW?

But wait, it’s not all bad news. Some Brits are happy.

dm 5

Great. Why don’t we just close Peterborough down. What is it even for? Concrete it over and build a car park.

Brexit

People are really fucking stupid. We’ve just caused our own economy to tank. We were the world’s 5th largest economy and five hours later we were only the 6th largest, behind France. The pound has lost value against the Euro and the dollar – HELLO, Euros and dollars are my INCOME. Without Euros and dollars, I don’t have a business and I don’t have a job.

I live in London. London is the UK. Without London, we don’t have an economy. How did we end up in a situation where a bunch of elderly, uneducated Northerners are making economic decisions on our behalf? I don’t understand how things that serious are even a votable matter. I don’t care what Albert Tatlock thinks about Europe, he can stay out of my business interests. Who does he think is paying for his state benefits?

I just signed a petition for London to secede and apply independently for membership of the European Union.

Scotland feels the same way, apparently. We are talking about going in together and calling it Scotlond.

scotlond

scotlond map

ft brexit

Half of everything we sell to the rest of the world we sell to Europe

Flight.

You know, what I couldn’t be arsed with the Honcho so I cancelled him again. It is kind of a long story but the decision primarily resulted from (a) a last-minute date with someone else, no-one special, just a scorching hot professional footballer, that left me physically unprepared for further activities, and (b) the realisation during this date that I am irredeemably in love with the Person Who I’m Not Supposed To Be In Love With, such that I actually don’t want casual sex right now because my head is elsewhere.

So I cancelled the Honcho and he was obviously disappointed and angry. If we were more like friends, like I would like us to be, I would have loved to have met him for a late lunch and a chat but he does not roll like that and I didn’t bother suggesting it. I just told him I couldn’t come out to play today because I accidentally had sex with someone else the night before and they wore me out.

So there you go. It could be another year before the Person is realistically available to date me, because of external constraints, but I am in love with them now and I have to deal with the effects of that now.

Then I turned my attention to far more important matters such as work. I just booked some flights. I’m going to New Jersey and Philadelphia for a few days, to make some money and see a bit more of the world. US first, then South Africa in August. This is a proven method of solving my relationship problems. Leave the country. Work on my career.

 

Slim.

I have finally managed to get excited about tomorrow’s date with the Head Honcho.

I got on the scales this morning and they said 152.6 lbs. If I can get that down to 151 point something then I have lost half a stone and am well on my way to being a more athletic shape in time for my birthday in August.

I feel slim, even though I am not really, just slimmER and it feels good. I am picking out clothes for tomorrow. I am staying well away from carbs because the last thing I need is last-minute bloat. It is black coffee, protein pills and water all the way today.

List of things to do

  • Nails – trim down and paint.
  • Shaving – hardly any required for Le Honcho, just a bit of tidying-up around the edges.
  • Pick out nice underwear even though it’s not going to stay on for long.
  • Pack bag with essential personal grooming items, eg comb, dental floss.
  • Don’t forget to wear perfume.

I hope he either suddenly defers this date by a week and then continues to do so for weeks on end, or else I hope it goes ahead and we successfully date each other all summer because either path leads to Diet Success. I have never been so slim, muscular and well-groomed as when he and I were paying a lot of attention to each other. The imminent threat of a date is all that’s needed to galvanise me into action. I really recommend him/it. L’amour fait maigrir.