Dear Trainer

You seem like a nice guy so that’s why I am sorry that I found it hard to co-operatively fake enthusiasm this morning.

I just need you to get to the point. If you think I’m uninterested in the subject matter, you are wrong. I would happily read a couple of books about it. But this morning you required the class to play with Lego for 45 minutes and my patience for that is limited. I’ve been going to work for 30 years and that’s the first time anyone’s paid me to play with Lego for 45 minutes.

I was bewildered. Then I remembered that this organisation is only paying me about £10/hour (and far less than that if you take into account the hours that I actually do, not the hours on paper). So this morning’s Lego episode cost this organisation about £7.50. So that’s why it doesn’t value my time, because it is able to purchase it for hardly anything.

I don’t hate Lego but I’m just not used to this.

I realise the deep, deep irony of the situation, given that the point of this training is to communicate something about how people learn. I have got no problem making other people play with Lego if that’s what this organisation wants me to do. For the 6 or 8 months I’ve been here, making people do little party games has struck me as odd and a bit patronising but who am I to argue. If that’s what you want, that’s what you can have. But if you want me to play with the Lego myself – I don’t know. It doesn’t sit right with me. It’s not work. It’s like day care. I feel like I’m attending a day care centre for mentally disabled adults and for some reason it is paying me £10/hour to play with toys and twiddle my thumbs when I have actual urgent tasks and deadlines that I could be attending to.

The whole fucking place stinks of failure and mental incapacity and I think I’m the only one who notices. Nobody else seemed to think that was an unusual situation. They survive on those wages, as well. They must be in a coma. I can’t reconcile myself to this company, I don’t want to be in a coma. I am awake and I am staying awake.

Sorry I wasn’t much fun.

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