People hug and kiss me, okay, that’s just the way it is.

FFS, I am never going to fit in at this bloody stupid job and there isn’t a day when I don’t think about leaving.

I was in a room today with about 40 of my clients who I know very well, and two colleagues who I don’t know at all. There was a long meeting at which Srs Business was accomplished, and then when it was over, in a completely predictable way, I got mobbed. Everybody wants to talk to me. I was the recipient of kisses and hugs and excited news updates about people’s careers and when they were not doing that, they were gazing at me like I am their long-lost mother. Why? Because they love me. And why shouldn’t they. I love them and there isn’t much I won’t do for them, my customer care is unsurpassed because I am genuinely fond of all of them and excited for them about the things they are doing. It is not a surprise to me that they act like this.

When the last one had departed, I turned to my colleagues who were staring at me with faces that could turn milk sour – I get this all the time, constantly. “Is there anything that I can help you with?” I smilingly asked. One of them said “No, we’ve done it all now”, in a rather pointed way. What she meant was that she and this other guy, who all the clients had totally ignored, had managed to gather up some loose papers and put them in a pile. How that needs three people, I don’t know. It doesn’t need three people. It didn’t need two people. They just had their own idea of the way things are supposed to go in that type of meeting and it didn’t include me in the role of Buddy Jesus.

“Jolly good”, I replied, looking at the small pile of paper that they’d arduously assembled. “See ya”. And I got the fuck out of the room.

Gooooo ahead, go ahead and hate me. I am used to it now. This is my daily routine. No matter how much you grimace and pull faces at me, it will make no difference to anything. Clients will still be clients, with their own clear preferences and emotional gestures, you will still be you, with your shrivelled souls and your stalled careers and I will still be Buddy Jesus. So get over it. FFS.

buddy jesus 2

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