Month: March 2016

Hanging on in there.

Allergy is back, not awfully so, but still.

One of the three businesses in my life will be closed and no longer trading by midnight on Thursday, thus reducing my work-related responsibilities by one-third.

I have removed what money there is into the other business.

I have two accountants and a soon-to-be-ex business partner and together we are trying to make sense of my tax liabilities for 2016 and 2017.

I asked the main accountant ‘am I going to go bankrupt?’ and he said ‘I don’t know’. Awesome. Thanks a bunch. Handily, this state of uncertainty has persisted for so long that it is now within my comfort zone and I don’t fucking worry about it. Let’s just put it on the list of things I am not worrying about. Fucks sake. Let’s have a tune. Get up and dance.

Public Enemy: Thin Line Between Law and Rape


Permission to be cheerful.

  1. One of my clients is going to pay some money into the business that needs it the most. HOORAY!!! THANK YOU, UNIVERSE. This means I can pay my tax bill and the Inland Revenue is not going to bankrupt me quite yet. HOORAY!!! Also another one of my clients offered me a sum of money that is a lot smaller but still good and definitely worth having.
  2. The horrible allergy that made all my skin fall off has FINALLY subsided to a level where I don’t think it is noticeable to other people. It took my GP and I a few different brands of anti-histamine before we found one that worked, and I may never be able to drink alcohol again but at least my skin is looking better, at long last. That went on for about a month, if not two.
  3. In light of my renewed good mood, there’s one more thing that I can feel happy about. You remember when I was very briefly in Amsterdam a couple of weeks ago and mentioned that I’d made a new friend? Well, it really was strictly just friends. Except now it looks like it might be a little bit more than friends and I have resolved to go back to Amsterdam to see him. Quite soon. A weekend in April. Isn’t that thrilling. He is a very beautiful spirit and he speaks Arabic, because I like that as much as I do French.

OK, that’s all for today. Thank you Jah, for sending the money. I really needed it.


I put on my best dress and my corporate lapel pin and went for the meeting with the CEO and Mr Human Resources. We talked about organisational standards. I shared the evidence I collected yesterday. Then I cried a bit.

The CEO appeared to be very receptive to what I was saying. He says I should spend more time with him and call in to his office regularly so we can be in touch. He says my manager does not have the power to fire me. He says this is why we are re-structuring the business, because people like my manager aren’t directly accountable to anyone. He says he’s seen my new product proposal and thinks it is good. He says I should hang on in there. He says he agrees with me about what constitutes acceptable business practice and that’s when I started crying because I so desperately needed to hear someone say that.

So there you go. I’m not fired quite yet.

In other news, the Head Honcho is being very civil and even quite kind and is happy enough to distract me from my woes and in particular to distract me from thoughts of the other person who I love, because I always love the Honcho more than anyone and we both like it that way.

And then finally. A few weeks ago I tried an experiment with this thing, let’s say a procedure, where I had somewhat low expectations of success because it was a bit outrageous and against logic and … well, it seems to have worked and I am sceptical and also a bit stunned. If that really did work and I am not just imagining it, then I am more powerful than I thought. And that’s all today’s news.



I am a whistle-blower. That’s what the guy from Human Resources called me. I don’t like the sound of that too much because whistleblowers usually end up without jobs but it is what it is.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the CEO. It was, therefore, convenient timing that I had a meeting with my line manager today in which he ‘reviewed my performance’.

I covertly audio recorded the whole meeting and now I am very glad I did because the first thing he did when I walked in the room was tell me that he needed to falsify my recent off-sick form ‘because it will be too interesting to HR’. And then the second thing he did was fill out a form with a false evaluation of my work performance, while shamelessly having a conversation with me about the obvious fact of its falseness.

That man is a liar. A liar who takes away my rights as an employee with his falsified papers.

Tonight I am turning that audio file into a nice video with subtitles and screenshots of the original and falsified documents. And then the CEO and the HR guy and me can watch it together tomorrow afternoon.

Wish me luck that I still have a job after all that. It’s not like I have a pile of spare money for paying my tax bills and the mortgage.

Well, that’s better.

I slogged through the conference. Then went back to the hotel and slept for a long time. When I woke up, my fever had mostly gone away. I even think I managed to lose some weight over the last couple of days because I wasn’t around food very much.

Amsterdam is always great even when you are just there for a few hours. I made a new friend and a couple of good business contacts so everything is as okay as it can be.


  • I have a fever. I am pouring with sweat.
  • I am in Amsterdam at a business conference, tomorrow I will get to spend the whole day with people who are not such tragic failures that I can’t believe they’ve got jobs.
  • I am talking to the Head Honcho, my one true love, my main man. Sue me. I need a bit of stability right now, from whatever quarter.