Results and progress since last week.

Right, so you remember the big diagram of pain from last week? Here it is again, if you forgot.

severe butthurt

And here is the news on what progress we’ve made since last time, since I resolved to start being a cause and not an effect.

1. Self-Pity

  • I don’t look so ill any more. My mystery allergy that makes all my skin come off is still affecting my scalp and hands but has cleared up almost everywhere else. I wore a V-neck dress and a necklace today and from the state of my neck and chest only a week ago, I thought I was several months from being able to wear those clothes. So this is v good.
  • Relatedly, I feel less ill. I am taking large amounts of anti-histamines and cannot drink alcohol; fortunately I’ve never been overly excited about alcohol, while I am excited by my rejuvenated creamy skin.
  • Relatedly, the minute my skin started to improve, I took action on the highly regrettable points ‘nobody loves me’ and ‘sex life is dead in the water’. I revived my online dating profile, knowing that it will cause a scandal if anyone at work notices, and I have a date tomorrow night with a nice young man who can’t believe his luck. Basic necessities of life. I need love and the internet is a better place for it to flower than at my place of work.

2. Disappointment

  • I told Human Resources that I compiled my report and I am not giving it to them yet because it is too inflammatory and belongs in the hands of a lawyer so we can talk about compensation. Before things get that far, I want a meeting with the CEO of this organisation where we talk business in a sensible way and try to find a way forward, then I’ll decide what to do with this explosive document.
  • Person 1. I had a conversation with Person 1 and I think we got things sorted out, which is good.
  • Person 2 shares my office. Or did until HR contacted some people in my department and told them to find me a new desk somewhere else in the building. They have to do this so that they can show they took reasonable measures to combat the hostile working environment that I’ve been complaining about. So. I will pack the rest of my stuff tomorrow and I am moving to a new desk on a different floor of the building on Monday. The new desk is not ideal, it is in a large open plan office and I will have 0 privacy and less storage space. However, the new office has more natural daylight, I can sit next to a window and I don’t have to be in a small, confined space with Person 2 so it is in fact an improvement, viewed from a certain angle. It will be a relief, I think. It is the best desk that my organisation can offer me right now and I am taking them up on that offer.

3. Severe Butthurt.

  • I got over myself, like an adult. Enough said.

4. Can’t See A Way Forward

  • Well, we’ve made progress this week, in the direction of Forward, even though the future is far from secure.

5. Anxiety

  • Jesus Christ, I am absolutely skint. All my money is tied up in one of my businesses and I can’t get at it. My other business is suffering from clients offering me work and then not following through. My day job is not paying enough to get me back in the black. I keep reminding myself that I’ve only been paid once since mid December, plus I had to renew my annual gym membership in January which was like half my wages. If I can avoid quitting this job or getting fired for another six months, it might start showing a profit. So – I am broke right now, this is a reality. However, they haven’t fired me yet and I get paid again in 4 days so I am hanging on in there.
  • I am doing a pretty successful job of not worrying about it. Things will be okay.

So there you go. Pretty good progress, I reckon. If my life ends up in a big old mess, at least it will be a mess that I created myself, rather than a mess that I passively allowed to happen to me. And that’s all the news. Wish me luck for a nice date tomorrow.

Let’s have some more Biggie Smalls. He is my spirit animal.

Notorious BIG ft Method Man: The What




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