No matter which way you look at it, this ain’t right.

It is 11.50am and I am at home, crying at my desk. I need to stop and attempt to put on make-up so I can go to the office. You see, five solid months after I needed it, my workplace is finally making some training available.

So I have to go and spend the entire afternoon enduring training for a job where I have no particular expectation of being in that job tomorrow, next week or next month.

Reasons why I should stick it out

  • they give me some money every month, not sure it is worth the pain also when you work out the unpaid overtime that I do, it’s about £3/hour.
  • I will find it hard to get another job at another institution in the same industry if I stay for less than a year. I now have very much lowered expectations of other institutions in the same industry being better, even though I know that they must be because we were recently ranked 149th and there are only about 150 in the country.

Reasons why it causes me pain every day and makes me want to leave on a minute to minute basis

  • too many to count at this point. A seriously long list. The fun parts of the job are drained of joy by the amount of pain.
  • I doubt the wisdom of generating any more value for this company, I could be producing intellectual property for one of the companies that I own, not this piece-of-shit circus.

Reasons why they could fire me

  • oh, a fucking massive list. Let’s put some more things on it. See if I care. Fire me and let’s go to court. I feel like talking to an industrial tribunal about health and safety laws and hostile working enviroments.

This cannot be right, can it. I should not be in tears on a Tuesday morning because I don’t want to go to this godforsaken place any more. I don’t cry my eyes out before going to meetings with my commercial clients.

Actually, now I think about it, I did once have a commercial client who was absolutely awful, a bullying micro-manager, who succeeded in making me cry in the middle of fieldwork. And readers, I fired him. Because I was not and am not so unsure of my ability to pay the bills somehow that I need to put up with that shit. So that’s the story of the time I fired one of my clients. I feel a bit better for relating it.



One thought on “No matter which way you look at it, this ain’t right.”

  1. This is painful to watch G. The only suggestion I can make is to find someone in the same industry but in one of the higher ranking branches and have a heart to heart. If they cannot give you any good reasons to stay with their perspective then maybe it’s time to think about other options. It’s destroying your essence. Cx

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