Vanity

It is New Year’s Day and in line with everyone else who is lucky enough to only have to worry about first world problems, I think I should pay much better attention to my health and finances and I can achieve this by:

  • quitting smoking (again)
  • going to the gym
  • losing 25lbs (I just got on the scales for the first time in months and I am 159 lbs)

These things are all very clear and obvious to me, as they would be to anyone with an ounce of common sense.

The difficult part is finding your motivation. No matter how hard I try to get excited about it, thoughts like ‘be generally healthier’ and ‘live longer’ (urgh) and ‘have more money’ do not compete very successfully with thoughts such as ‘I just want to sit down’ and ‘I need to fucking smoke, okay’ and so forth.

Even the likelihood of more painful dental work if I do not immediately quit smoking is not quite doing it for me. It’s just pain, I’m not sufficiently scared of it.

So, what is going to do it? Vanity, that’s what. I am vain, I have been fretting about my declining beauty lately and I am facing my 50th birthday in 2016. I don’t want to be fat and ugly and exhausted and have tobacco- and coffee-stained teeth on my birthday. I want to be slim and gorgeous and I want everyone to think I’m 39.

The big birthday is 8 months away so I have time to get in really good shape, and I can no longer use the excuse of work – work is looking better now, because I negotiated a better type of workload for the coming year.

So, here’s the plan, because I always need a plan, otherwise nothing gets done.

  1. Take down Xmas tree & decorations, freeing up space in the living room.
  2. Put full-length mirror back in the space where the tree was.
  3. Get ALL of my sportswear out of the bedroom and out of various cardboard boxes in the back room and try everything on in front of the mirror. Sort into three piles: (a) stuff that fits; (b) stuff that is a bit too small; (c) stuff that is way too small. There is not going to be a category of stuff that is too large.

I’ve always found the fit of clothing to be a reliable way of gauging what size I really am, in comparison to weighing myself (good over the long term but in the short term, a bit variable, with many unexplained mysteries) and looking at myself in the mirror without clothes on (whether I think I look fat or not is totally dependent on mood and unconnected to objective reality). Clothes don’t lie to me. I can either wear certain garments or else I can’t.

OK, I guess that’s all I need to say. I went to my gym yesterday (!!!!) to inspect the contents of my locker and I have swimming gear in there, which is good, and not much else, which is also good because it means all my workout gear is at home and available for easy trying-on purposes.

Goals by August:

  • Looking good in UK size 10 sports bikinis.
  • Weight: 134 lbs (down from 159).

Both totally do-able, have done this before. The second one, anyway. I got down to 133 lbs about two years ago or something and I probably looked better in bikinis than I thought.

HNY, loyal readers. Good luck with all your new-year plans.

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