Month: January 2016

In which I give up smoking again.

Oh look, I’ve conveniently run out of smoking materials so I will give up again. See? All it takes is the slightest glimmer of sunshine and I will do the right thing.

I will take this boy if he wants to come. In the meantime I will groom myself. Here is some nice Biggie and Tupac. Don’t say I never do nothin’ for ya.

Naughty By Nature – Feel Me Flow ft Biggie, 2Pac & Big L (NickT Remix)


Some kind of a reward.

There is a glimpse of tinsel, like a leftover Christmas decoration, and I want to reach out and take it.

As you know, I am at work day and night, I have a terrible lifestyle and am miserably celibate, also am pointlessly in love with someone unsuitable.

Last night there was a conversation with one of my young lovers, a pretty, hardworking boy of 24 or thereabouts, and if it comes to anything, he might come and stay with me for a few weeks. Whereupon he will cook food, help with the housework, sleep in my bed, fuck me every day, take my mind off other men and give me a reason not to smoke.

It sounds good, doesn’t it. I don’t think I could be blamed too harshly for saying yes to that, could I. We will see if he is brave enough to come and if I am foolhardy enough to let him. And now for some Mariah Carey with Justin Bieber. Yes, thank you, I am fully aware that it is not Xmas.

Mariah Carey & Justin Bieber – All I Want For Christmas Is You


Bloody hell, this is hard. I am at work day and night. None of it is unpleasant work, for which I am deeply grateful, also perhaps we will soon start to see some money coming in. It has to start paying dividends pretty soon.

I ignored a couple of text messages from suitors who were looking for dates, even though I have only had sex once in four months and am climbing the walls. (a) I am too busy, seriously, deadlines, and (b) I am hungering for someone who I’m not supposed to love as much as I do. Not the Honcho, you will be glad to know. I have succeeded in becoming attached to someone else who’s totally unavailable and not thinking about me at all, because that’s how I roll.


Alton Ellis: Baby I Love You


I feel obliged to check in and tell you what is happening, because it is Friday, as much as for any other reason. We should be doing the Weakly Weigh-In.

We are not doing it, however, because I am wearing my coat indoors. Temperatures in London have plummeted. I am seriously sitting at my desk right now with my coat on, over several layers of clothing and the heating on full blast. So that’s why I’m not taking my clothes off to get on the scales.

Gym: 0 points.

My daily routine (includes the coming weekend):

  • Get up anywhere between 2am and 5am, depending. Work quietly at desk until I have to go out to work.
  • Go out to work, either to Job 1, which pays well but which I don’t love, or to Job 2, which is work that I love, just unfortunately with the most unprofessional organisation in the entire world.
  • Get home some time after 7pm.
  • Go to bed between 7 and 9pm.

I am living on everything that is bad for me, such as cheese sandwiches, lattes and cigarettes and this is because I do not sit down for meals.I just graze on whatever is handy, mainly that, and I feel like a whale.

I am getting some outdoors walking done, which is good, but it has not been enough to combat the onslaught of diet fail this week.

I keep saying that I don’t know what to do about the situation. It certainly is a challenge. I can’t tell when is the right time to jump ship. However, with regard to my appalling lifestyle choices this week, clearly, there is only solution. I will have to take control of things, no-one else is going to.

I will have to start bulldozing time into my diary to go to the gym EVEN THOUGH I have 2 jobs, and I will have to start feeding myself very carefully instead of just scarfing down whatever stimulants and snack food I can cram into my system as I happen across the opportunity.

So there we go. 2013, 14 and 15 were three very eventful years. I was sort of hoping for a more peaceful time in 2016. At least we are not bored. I will have this sorted by August.

Skinnyman: Love’s Gone From The Streets




I don’t know what to do with myself.

It’s 7am and I should be getting ready to go to work.

I don’t want to go. We’ve reached that point where it makes me feel sick and depressed at the thought of having to go into the office.

They are costing me £1,500 today, equivalent to two weeks’ pay.

They said they didn’t need me on site today. I scheduled another appointment. Then they fucking freaked yesterday, with less than 24 hours notice, and are insistent that the world is going to stop turning if I don’t go in.

I had to cancel a meeting with a client. She wants a £1,500 refund. More importantly, she probably won’t do business with me again.

I don’t know how I can carry on. At first I thought that there were enough professionals in this organisation that we could carry the dead wood. Then I started to think that there aren’t any professionals in this organisation except for me, and I still thought I could make a difference. Now I don’t think that any more. I think I’m being robbed. I think this organisation will happily sit and watch me go out of business and watch itself go out of business. It is a sinking ship.