Month: November 2015

Two more weeks to go.

Two more weeks of ridiculous and relentless Work Hell Time Sensitive Project.

Just two more weeks. I am obviously very excited and relieved to think that, although work will not stop, I will no longer be strapped in to a programme of constant deadlines that has me working weeks of up to 100 hours. I’ll be able to work from home a lot more, and that means I can get more done. Maybe I will even be able to go to the gym and pay my tax bills and things like that.

I’m also a bit emotional at the thought of it ending. It’s consumed every single waking moment for 12 weeks, it’s been 100% of my experience of being conscious and awake for that long.

I’ve been tired, I’ve been ecstatic, I’ve exploded in rage, I’ve been tender, passionate, maternal, I’ve cried at my desk, I’ve been a whole lot of things. All of the comfort I’ve needed to survive this horrible ordeal has come from co-workers and clients, because I have no life outside of work. It feels a bit like I’m about to be let out of prison. I am a bit nervous. I wonder if I still have a life outside these walls. I wonder if I still have any friends. I will miss all these people who have been my only human contact through this very intense time. Some of them I won’t see for probably a month or 6 weeks, and in a few cases, I won’t see them ever again and that breaks my heart a little bit.

It’s been a very emotional ride. I want my Botox doctor and my dentist. I want to clean my house. I am afraid to let go of the hands of all these people who I’ve bonded with. It was like being on Big Brother. It was my first time.

Let’s have Church. It’s technically Monday already, but fuck it. Get up and dance.

I-Roy: Don’t Get Weary, Joe Frazier

See the day; is changing.

All right then. Finally, the universe begins to bend to my will.

I complained so volubly to senior management about what this organisation is doing to me that people finally started to take notice.

  • I had a meeting with my boss yesterday and brokered a new deal involving considerably less work in the January-March period. YES!!! VICTORY!!!
  • They are talking about firing people who are on my well-publicised list of people who I think they should fire. Because I know how to run this company better than they do, with 12 weeks of experience.
  • Rumour and gossip travels fast in this organisation. Three people who are not directly connected to my problems came up to me today to tell me that VIPs are having meetings about me and how to make me happier.
  • All agree that I have been horribly abused.
  • Hence points one and two.

I look fucking fantastic every day and I cannot lie. Fuck retirement and fuck my mortgage, I need clothes for work and now I have them. A lot of dresses. Nice ones that give me a tiny waist and immense bust and hips. I dress like it is 1959 every single day and people stop in the corridors to look at what dress I am modelling.

I am beautiful and I am valued and I have power. And that’s all I care about. The money can wait. There is always more money where the last lot came from.

And now for a tune. See the day. Is changing.

Ann Consuelo: See The Day (Stonebridge Mix)

Well, that was predictable.

I am really sick now. My head is exploding. I cannot go to work.

Some department or other sent me a Staff Survey. One of the questions was ‘Do you have the information you need to do your job?’

I replied ‘I have 0% of the information I need to do my job.’

I don’t know where this is going. A doctor at the hospital, where I went yesterday to get my migraine treated, said ‘you need to leave that job’. I broke down in her office and cried like there was no tomorrow. ‘You need to leave that job’, she said again.

It is horrible. I don’t want to leave this job. But it is an appallingly-managed organisation, you could put a gorilla in charge of resource allocation and they would do a better job and I wouldn’t be out of my face on migraine medication.

Readers, those of you who are awaiting emails from me, it will have to wait. Yes, even the very urgent requests. Sorry. I feel like shit. I am getting 1 day off sick and I have to do this:

  • fit new lightbulbs in my house before the sun sets again and the whole house is in darkness
  • take out bags of rubbish, some of them are 2 months old now
  • try to find out when my next gigantic tax bill is due

Then I have to start work again tomorrow because Saturday is a work day. So I need to be fully recovered by tomorrow morning.

I feel ill all the time.

If anyone else tells me to take it easy and not wear myself out, I will invite them to deliver to the all of the very real deadlines that I am required to meet because they are not going away. I just don’t know what people expect me to do. I will just stop turning up to work, shall I. I’ll just tell all our customers that we can’t fulfil all these promises we’ve made them, with specific dates attached, because I need to take it easy. I’m sure that’ll go down really well.

I am having a relaxing morning this morning because I do not have to leave for work for another hour. I am drugged up to the eyeballs on headache medication and I am getting a taxi again because I am too weak to get on the tube.

Another four weeks of this before I get a day off. Today is day 67. I get a weekend off starting on Day 96, which is in December. I really hope I can make it through the remaining four weeks of this 12-week nightmare but it is getting very challenging now because my physical strength is almost gone.