My former boss, from 15 years ago, just spent an hour on the phone with me, God love her. She is a brave woman who has faced bigger financial problems than I am currently having, plus her husband just died, just a few months ago, around when I started to date Leroy before Christmas, so she knows a few things about adversity. Also she is a psychologist and is great at talking people down when they are upset.
I am grateful. She said interesting things. She didn’t say ‘don’t get a job’ which is what other business owners have said to me, using the logic that owning a small business is inherently better than working for someone else’s large one. She said ‘get a job, make sure it is a job you would love to do, you will be happier’. She is right about that. So I will continue to apply for jobs in this other career track that I should have been on all along, while at the same time trying to get my existing business back on its feet for a few months just so that I can pay the bills and the mortgage and keep my options open, what with the existing business commanding rather good rates when I can actually get any work in.
It is 10pm in London and I am choosing to believe that it is going to be all right. I may have to consciously choose that a whole bunch more times tomorrow and the next day and the next day but at least I recognise that what I believe about this situation is in fact my choice and is not determined by the situation itself, which is merely awkward and bit precarious.
1 Mental Health point. FFS.