Month: April 2015

Notes to self. WWHHD?

What would the Head Honcho do?

He would dial his already cool emotions down to zero. He would recognise that there is a plan, a set of priorities and a list of immediate tasks. He would recognise that the plan, priorities and tasks remain unchanged no matter what his emotional state. Therefore any emotional sensation is unhelpful, esp. debilitating things such as anxiety and doubt. He would become completely dispassionate and concentrate wholly on doing the next right thing.

This and that.

There is a lot going on and I am a bit scared.

I try to relax and that helps. Then tonight I thought of what my brave, proud, take-no-prisoners son would do in this situation, and he would put on a certain face, like he was ready to take on the world, and he would get up and dance. UK garage ftw.

Do you really like it? Is it, is it wicked?

DJ Pied Piper: Do You Really Like It

Fuck. Time to start budgeting.

I should watch my bank account more carefully. I will have to, in fact, starting now. I just checked my bank balance and I have maxed out my overdraft limit. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I have cancelled my online dating account because I can’t afford to go out and I’m about to go through my bank statements now and find out what the essential expenses are and where I can put a stop to everything that’s not vital to my survival. I see economical recipes in my future. I think I’ll go and turn the heating off as well.

The party had to end some time, didn’t it. Especially when the business end of things is drying up. The roof still hasn’t been repaired. They can sue me.

Health points: I have been out walking at least twice, so 2 Health points. I can cancel my gym membership and start using the municipal pool.

Friends: I saw L and B, so 2 Friends points.

I think that’s it. Other than that I’ve been working on my new business plans and have meetings coming up this week. Shit. I can sell some stuff on Ebay as well. I’ve got loads of unused knitting yarn that I can sell off and that will have the added bonus of creating some more space in my flat. I’m sure I can think of other things as well. Maybe I can sell some books and I’ve probably got some clothes that can go. I’ve just had my hair cut, so that will last a few months. I can dye it at home. I will have to stop having Botox immediately and I’m glad I didn’t book an appointment.

I am so irresponsible. Let’s make that past tense. I was so irresponsible. Really shouldn’t have gone on holiday.

Bottle that feeling.

A short but very important post.

(1) My friend C, my beloved friend, when I was newly in love with the Honcho, said with great wisdom, ‘bottle that feeling, you can use it later’. I did, I have, I am doing, and I told a bunch of other people about that technique. (Thank you C!! I totally, totally love you with all my heart.)

(2) I started my big life plan. Then I crashed. I had about 3 days of doing nothing and wondering what the fuck was wrong with me, when the situation is becoming urgent and even that could not get me to move. Tonight I had dinner with my friend B. I told her about my immediate plans and then some of my other, much more risky plans. She said: ‘It is so bloody, blindingly obvious what you should be doing. There are the plans where you look resigned and talk with a serious voice and then there are the plans where you come on fire and the love shines out of you and you are shedding waves of energy. It is so perfectly clear what you are supposed to do next. Go where the fire is. You don’t need safe. Safe is what other people want for you. It’s not what you want for yourself.’

That will be all for tonight, thank you. Now I need to have a dance, which is something I haven’t done in a year.


I am sorry to post about something so trivial when I am supposed to be changing my life and also I haven’t blogged for a week, but it is big news to me. After at least a year of trying, my hairdresser has FINALLY accepted what I want him to do with my hair. He has had so much trouble believing me. Even today, it took two attempts. He cut off what he thought was a lot of hair, I was like ‘no no no, this is ridiculously too long at the back, take off at least another inch, if not two inches’. He was like ‘are you sure?’ I was like ‘I’ve been trying to explain this to you for months! Cut off another two inches at the back and shave the back of my neck as necessary’.

So now my hair looks like this, at LAST. This is the closest picture I could find, anyway. It is a dark chocolate brown. I don’t have a fringe, I am wearing a side parting with my hair tucked behind my ears. It is that short. It is the same length all the way around, my god, the amount of persuasion it took, to get him to buzz it off at the back.


At the end, he was like ‘this is okay? this is what you wanted?’ I was like ‘Now we are STARTING to get there. STARTING.’

Next time I see him we are going to have a srs discussion about undercuts.

Finally. Progress.

I see willpower is back in fashion.

I’ve just read The Young Visiters by Daisy Ashford, The Art of War by Sun Tzu (obviously the thing one would read next, ha ha) and Willpower: Rediscovering our greatest strength by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney. The Baumeister book is interesting, solid, traditional psychological research, and Tierney polishes it up and makes it useful and glossy for the consuming public. Despite its polish, it is quite no-nonsense. Here are some memorable extracts from the final chapter. They do not waste their pity on you.

  • The best way to reduce stress in your life is to stop screwing up.
  • People who have more self control are better at arranging their lives so that they avoid problem situations.
  • People with good self control mainly use it not for rescue in emergencies but rather to develop effective habits and routines in school and at work. They use their self control not to get through crises, but to avoid them.
  • There is a strategy for going on offence.
  • Rule 1: Don’t keep putting it off. Do the right thing. Be orderly in your habits. Exercise discipline.
  • Rule 2. Control your impulses. When faced with a boring or unpleasant task, resist the temptation to improve your short term mood by doing something else. Stop and think about the courses of action available, predict your feelings about the outcomes.
  • Your willpower resource each day may be limited, so do the more challenging and difficult things that need more will and better judgement in the early part of the day.
  • Watch for the symptoms of emotional arousal, whether positive excitability or distress. Detach yourself. Delay before replying.
  • If you are depleted you are more likely to make mistakes which result in money spent, weight gained, etc. If you eat properly and get enough sleep you will make better decisions.
  • When you pick your battles, look beyond the immediate challenges and put your life in perspective. Are you where you want to be? What could be better? What can you do about it?
  • Have an idea of what you want to accomplish in a month and how to get there.
  • “We simply ask our managers and other workers to set their top goals for the week,” Patzer says. “You can’t have more than three goals and it’s fine if you have less than three. Each week we go over what we did last week and whether we met those goals or not, and then each person sets the top three goals for this week. If you only get goals one and two done, but not three, that’s fine, but you can’t go off working on other goals until you’ve done the top three. That’s it – that’s how we manage. It’s simple, but it forces you to prioritise, and it’s rigorous.”
  • People exhibit more self control when their desk is clean. This is also why you should make the bed.
  • “Write or nothing. It’s the same principle as keeping order in a school. If you make the pupils behave, they will learn something just to keep from being bored. I find it works. Two very simple rules, a. you don’t have to write. b. you can’t do anything else. The rest comes of itself.”

3 Books points. Today I drafted a daily schedule for myself with disappointingly little effort, no opportunities for procrastination there. I also activated some financial planning software. Then I locked myself out of iTunes by mistake. Then I went outside and walked for 1 hour, so 1 Health point. And I bought groceries because it is Thursday. Now I need to get offline and do about a month of housework because there is the prospect of a cheeky date at the weekend.