Kids.

Upon returning to the resort, I see that today is the day that the horrid, screaming little children have arrived. They are like the zombie hordes. You can flee your home and escape temporarily to a five star hotel or similar fortress but the security of the building you have fled to is an illusion. There are too many of them. One or two will find an unsealed gap and infiltrate the place and then minutes later there are swarms of them. I am listening to one screeching right now, from 50 feet away. She is in the pool but showing no sign of drowning. Zombies don’t, do they. They are notorious for being able to survive under water. 

While I was out walking this afternoon I passed at least two resorts that are for gay men. Guess where I am staying next time. I adore gay men and wish I was one. They are stylish and have nice bodies, unlike heterosexual men who turn into obese blobs of jelly by the age of 35, which isn’t really that nice to look at when they are parading around in swimming trunks, and they generally have no kids.

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