In which I am kissed, despite being enormously overweight.

OK, so my body is doing strange things that I don’t understand. I more or less instantly regained the three pounds that I lost, despite the fact that I am hardly eating because I am afraid to eat. Even more frighteningly, the most surreal thing happened when I was getting ready to go out this evening. There is a pair of boots that I wore only two days ago when I was out photographing Piccadilly Circus. Tried to put them on tonight and they wouldn’t zip up. Like, not even close. Apparently my calves gained two inches of girth in 48 hours. How is this even possible?!! Why is it happening?!! I was absolutely shocked and appalled. I put on the roomiest of the three dresses that I just bought from American Apparel and a different pair of boots and headed out, feeling like Tank Girl, with the emphasis on Tank and not so much on Girl. Also I had wet hair and my nail varnish was chipped and it just wasn’t good.

The reason this mattered and the reason I was heading out was because I had a date. His name is Leroy. He is 26 and an ambitious young entrepreneur and very handsome, all these things being apparent from the dating website where I found him. I tried to make the best of my appearance but I did not feel at all confident when I was waiting for him at the tube station. When he arrived, he was just as good looking as his photos and I was actually surprised when he smiled at me and didn’t turn around and get back on the train.

Then we went for dinner (sashimi, tofu, miso soup, very good), which I needed as I hadn’t eaten all day, and we talked business, which is something I can do with great charm and skill, and he was suitably impressed and said he could listen to me for ever. Then we bumped into two friends of mine so we sat with them for a while and he showed off his social skills. He is very personable, chatty, confident, very warm and being so handsome does him no harm as well. It was great. The female half of the two friends nodded and winked at me in a meaningful way, the precise meaning being that she recognised that I had landed rather a good catch.

Then Leroy and I left the restaurant and I didn’t ask him back to my place because I am a lady, also it is a pigsty because decluttering makes your house worse before it gets better. At least my fridge is clean, but still. We decided that we do want to see each other again, as soon as possible, and determined that that means Saturday night.

We hugged. I said, ‘I fancy you quite a lot, if you didn’t know’, because I felt that this needed establishing. He said ‘Me too, I fancy you massively’. Then we kissed, properly, in the romantic light of the grocery store that we were standing outside, and then we kissed again and then he went to the tube station and I went home.

So that’s me. I am smiling right now. He is coming to my place on Saturday night and I don’t think he’ll be going home until Sunday, so I guess he must like fat girls.

… okay, he is texting me right now. I am excited and I cannot lie. We really have the hots for each other.

Rufus ft. Chaka Khan: Sweet Thing (1975)

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