Discontinuation Syndrome

I am drug-free. I took my final dose of the happy pills on Sunday the 19th of October and it’s now Thursday.

Even though I tapered them off by reducing the dose over a month, wow, I am symptomatic. I hope it doesn’t last for too much longer. I am just dealing with it as best I can.

  • Vivid dreams. This is the part I don’t mind, in fact it is really enjoyable. I had one dream recently about mining, of all things, that was incredibly magical and like something out of Lord of the Rings. Then I had a dream about a giant shark where I was a marine photographer and got some absolutely amazing and terrifying photos of it killing and eating things. Then today I had a dream that I’ve just woken up from where I had a pair of gorgeous diamond earrings and a matching brooch. So I am not complaining about this, it is great. Also, my sexual function is returning, fast. Less helpfully:
  • Sudden and irresistible fatigue. The last couple of days, I can only stay awake for about five hours at a time and then I am blitzed and have to go to sleep for 2-4 hours because my brain won’t function any more and no amount of caffeine will keep me awake. This is making work very difficult but all I can do is ride it out and wait for it to pass.
  • My weight is rocketing up and down, mostly up. Bloating, gas. Embarrassing. I’m huge enough already without blowing up like a balloon.
  • I am sweating like it’s an Olympic event.
  • Excessively loud tinnitus.
  • This is my least favourite one, even worse than the sudden fatigue and sweating: “extreme sensitivity of body tissues”. What that means is that I am suddenly a ball of allergies. Flushed, blotchy face. Itchy skin, allergic rashes that appear and disappear. Constant asthma because my lungs are unendingly irritated – thank goodness I returned to being a non-smoker a few weeks ago, because otherwise I would be screwed now. Also, thank goodness my house is clean and unusually free from dust.

So that’s why I can’t go to the gym, even though I am starting to get desperate now because of the weight gain. I walked for an hour today because I needed to deliver some stuff to my accountant and when I returned I was sweating, red in the face and breathless in a way that would have caused the gym to call me an ambulance.

Other than that, I’m absolutely fine.

FFS.

What can you do? Nothing, that’s what. Anyway, I am drug-free now. I threw the unused pills in the bin and we are all done. All I have to do, and indeed, all I can do, is wait for my body to get with the programme. 1 Health point. FML. Let’s open another can of Red Bull and check out this fantastic tune.

… oh hey, maybe this means my ability to hear music is coming back. If I can have sex successfully and appreciate a wicked tune, then maybe things are basically okay.

Ian Dury & The Blockheads: I Want To Be Straight (1980)

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