Flypaper

I am home. I’ve been in France. It was Nice, in both senses of the word. Photos coming up shortly.

When I came home, I rushed for the following items:

  • Coffee, the way I like it. I am not saying the French don’t know how to make coffee, far from it, but apparently I have American taste where coffee is concerned and need it to come in pints with loads of milk and sugar. I know I shouldn’t be drinking coffee at all because teeth but I was desperate.
  • Bacon and egg sandwich.
  • World of Warcraft. I had no gaming for 5 days.

Things I approached with considerable trepidation: my laundry room. OK, so right before I was leaving for France, just as the taxi was outside, waiting to take me to the airport, I opened the laundry room door and was rather dismayed to discover at least 3 if not 4 house flies circulating around in there. I don’t know where they came from. I did not have time to clear out the laundry room, identify the source of the problem and kill the flies. My car was waiting to leave. I couldn’t miss my plane. I had to firmly shut the laundry room door, go to the airport and hope for the best. While I was away I wondered what hell I was going to come home to and what they were eating. I imagined that when I got home I would open the laundry room door and find something like that Damien Hirst exhibit which is a disgusting glass cube, full of flies, with rotting meat.

On arriving home, I was so scared to look in there. I couldn’t face it last night. Today I went out and bought about 6 kinds of flypaper and a new vacuum cleaner because my old one is at least 10 years old and hardly works. I wanted something with super powerful suction. Also the old vacuum cleaner was actually inside the room with the flies and I wanted a functioning weapon before I opened that door, because I fully expected thousands of flies to swarm out as soon as I touched it. I cracked open the laundry room door and cautiously stuck the nozzle of the new vacuum cleaner inside before daring to take a look.

It was okay, though. A couple of flies were in there, and a couple seemed to have escaped into the hall but otherwise it was okay. I can’t tell you how relieved I am. At least now I have a better vacuum cleaner, which I needed, so that should help keep the house clean.

Now I’ve bored you with that story, let’s have another story, introduced by Roald Dahl, which is equally horrible and not boring at all. This is an episode of Tales of the Unexpected, which aired on British TV in the early 1980s. I remember this when it was broadcast. I was only a child at the time and it scared the living daylights out of me. Enjoy. French news to follow.

Tales of the Unexpected: The Flypaper

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