I congratulate myself on my decisive actions today but I also am glad that I started taking prescription-only mood-enhancing drugs this morning, that’s all I’m saying. Because this haircut is going to take months to grow out. That is the first time I’ve ever come home from the hairdressers and stuck my freshly-styled head under a cold tap. I am just going to have to wear my hair wet for the next 6 months. I see a lot of wet-look gel in my future. It looks shit. Here is the picture I took to the hairdresser’s. As you can see it is a very short one-length bob. Ear length. All one length. Little curl of hair under the earlobes. Very pretty.
My hairdresser … has cut thousands of LAYERS into my hair, giving it a feathered effect, and has chopped off everything from around my ears and the back of my neck, where the volume should be. He proudly took out the mirror and showed me a fluffy, textured monstrosity that made me look like a Blackpool landlady circa 1989. ‘This … is not lying flat’, I said, tugging and scraping at it with my fingers, trying to get hair to hang straight where no hair remained. ‘This … has way too much texture.’ ‘Oh’, said the hairdresser. ‘I thought that’s what you would want’. ‘No’, I said, showing him the above picture for the third time. ‘I wanted this. See? Smooth and small and close, like a little cap’. ‘Oh’ he says. He tried his best to smooth it down and as I mentioned, I’ve just stuck my head under the cold tap which makes it look SLIGHTLY better but what’s gone is gone. He’s cut layers on top of layers into my hair, in a very successful attempt to give it body and texture that I never asked for. All the hair I wanted to keep is gone. There isn’t anything to tuck behind my ears. I hate it. At its very best, it looks like this, and that’s after I’ve just washed all the blow-drying and styling products out of it:
There is a big part of me that has wanted to break down crying since the Crime at the start of April but I cannot let it happen because I don’t know how I would be able to stop. I just have no words. I am just going to forget about dating and trying to look attractive and concentrate on taking a lot of prescription drugs and maybe I will have grown back some hair in the autumn and then we can have a conversation about the meaning of the words All One Length.