Mood.

I am in a foul temper and I cannot lie.

I was in a mood anyway but more specifically, today, I am angry with myself for being stupid enough to keep talking to the Honcho, I’m angry with him because he is a selfish, manipulative liar and I am angry with us both because no matter how hard we try we can turn a potentially nice conversation into a slanging match within a few minutes. Fail, fail, fail, so much fail. I’ve never engaged in such prolonged discourse with somebody who I hated so much. What did I think was going to be different this time around? Did I think his life would have suddenly changed or that he would have suddenly grown a new personality? Apparently I really am that dim and that much of an optimist. I disgust myself, but not as much as I despise him. God damn, god damn. Every time it’s the same. Where do we keep going wrong? I will tell you. We go wrong at the precise moment when we start talking to each other. That’s when it goes wrong and it can do nothing other than go wrong.

So. I worked on the house. As is always the case with these fucking decluttering projects, the house is now a considerably worse mess than it was this morning. A bit like my relationship with the Honcho, come to think of it. But on the plus side, I don’t have any more of my yarn collection stuffed in bent and broken cardboard boxes. All the boxes are gone and the yarn is in large, shiny, stackable plastic crates, most of which are neatly labelled. So my house still looks like an office/warehouse, but a slightly nicer one. And I guess that’s what we are aiming for.

1 Home point, motherfuckers.

Kelis: I Hate You So Much Right Now

 

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