This is hard work.

Something is really wrong with me. Today I squeezed my newly-overweight body into the sportswear that I’m now too fat for and set off for my usual ten mile walk which only lasted 3 miles. I suppose that is better than nothing at all, at least I made an effort to leave the house. When I got home I smoked a cigarette and then cried for a while. There are too many people outside and the sight of them being normal and looking happy upsets me.

Playing Skyrim is not improving my mood and I should have known better than to go to the Honcho for comfort. It may well be that we still have things to say to each other nearly 3 years down the road, but none of them lead anywhere and it just makes me feel worse. It’s worse when we are trying to negotiate nicely with each other than when we are fighting. It’s not actually his fault nor is it his responsibility that I won’t let anyone but him get close to me. I don’t know why I make an exception for him but I am a fool to, because he doesn’t want to take advantage of it.

More warehousing tomorrow, so that should help. This time it is old computers being sent away to be decommissioned. You can amass quite a few of them over 10 years, especially if you are a business owner. So I will have some more valuable space freed up when those have gone.

In other domestic news, I’ve just paid a £4,500 buildings maintenance bill and that’s before we even get a quote on the new windows.

1 Health point. Maybe I will swim tomorrow. I know what time is quiet time in the morning.

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