Right, so. First of all, you know me well enough to know that I would look for yarn shops, so Klaus and I made a little quest of it. It was funny. Corfu is so bloody British, we asked for directions to the yarn shop and people kept telling us ‘turn right at Marks and Spencer’s’. Marks and Spencer, FFS. It doesn’t get any more British than that.
There is one difference, though. In Britain, yarn is sold at, yanno, yarn shops. Like you would expect. But in Greece, where people do knit, yarn is sold out of … can you guess? …. ladies’ underwear shops. Seriously. I’m not kidding. You want wool? Off to the ladies underwear shop you go. It was funny.
In the front of the shop, piles of knickers.
In the back of the shop, yarn. Yarn is obviously more embarrassing than knickers, so they have to hide it at the back where no-one will see.
I thought this was a very poor selection compared to Santiago but I wasn’t going to make Klaus search for the yarn shop with me and then not buy anything so I picked up a couple of miles of yellow cotton and some nice merino wool that will do for something.
Next, I invite you to consider this gloriously tacky souvenir shop. There are dozens of them, naturally. There are more souvenir shops in Corfu than there are actual things in Corfu that one might want to be reminded of. Allow me to show you some highlights.
Behold this lovely tea towel featuring a national recipe. I really did not think they made things like this any more. It is straight out of the 1970s, it is straight from the days when foreign holidays were a new thing and people would come home from Majorca with unnecessary toy donkeys made out of leather and with tea towels featuring ‘exotic’ recipes to give to their friends, because if someone went abroad that was a novelty and a big deal. So naturally I had to have one. Just in case one doesn’t know how to make Greek salad or for that matter can’t just buy some in the supermarket.
But wait, there’s more. Penis-shaped bottle openers. Penis-shaped key rings. Penis-shaped lots of things. Penises are a theme here.
I resisted the bottle openers but had to bring home one of these lovely calendars. A very merry scene is depicted on the front cover, involving four men. I suppose it is Greece, after all.
November. I think it is a positive sign that I haven’t slipped into total depression that I think this looks like fun.
December. Isn’t that sweet.
May. That male figure with the beard, the athletic physique and the large penis looks exactly like Socrates, the lovely and heroically well-endowed Greek gentleman who I’ve dated a couple of times here in London. By a miraculous coincidence, he texted me just as I arrived back in London. I told him I was just in Greece and I would adore it if some Greece was in me, just as soon as I’m feeling a bit better.
And that’s all the Greek news.