I am slowly recovering. Physically, it is not so bad. The swelling is going down. My arms are much better. My face and neck are still badly bruised and there’s still a hard sticky-out lump on the side of my eye that seems like it’s going to take a while to disappear but I am visibly much better than this time last week.
Emotionally I am a bit of a mess. Moody came back and continues to take care of me, and I’m grateful for that because I think I’m OK for a while and then I have a crying jag that leaves me exhausted, or a nightmare where I think the attacker is back in the house and at those moments I’m extremely glad of his presence. Also, he is calm and doesn’t get excitable and asks me how I am feeling about fifty times a day. He comes out for walks with me when I want to go outside and I feel both safer and less conspicuous having someone with me.
I am starting to form a strategy for dealing with all this and I am so glad that I started TLYW three years ago because my strategy is already up and running and I don’t have to invent it from scratch. The simple philosophy that I am adopting is this:
Getting your shit together is never the wrong thing to do. Conversely, losing your shit is never the right thing to do.
… as the person who attacked me has amply demonstrated. I might be the one wearing bruises but their life is a worse mess than mine, and that’s for sure.
So, that’s my plan. Get my shit together. It has never failed me in the past. Also, I have a pretty strong work ethic and I generally feel that if my life isn’t in the condition I want it to be, then I’m not trying hard enough and I could stand to make more effort.
There are certain luxuries that I simply cannot afford. Depression is one. Losing my job is another one. I cannot afford to let everything go to pieces. I cannot afford to let my life go down the toilet because of this one event, traumatic as it may be.
So that’s it. I’m slowly starting to get some exercise, I can’t go to the gym looking like this but I can go out for walks, so I do that. I can’t swim yet because the swimming goggles are going to press on my face where the lumps and bruises are but they will go down in due course and then I can get back in the pool. A long swim would be very welcome.
I’m back at work and my concentration was worth fuck all for the first couple of days but it was a bit better last night and better again today. I will have to do a lot of work over this coming weekend to catch up.
I’m starting to get my house organised, slowly. I am doing bits of cleaning and sorting out as best I can. I keep telling myself that it doesn’t all have to be fixed and repaired overnight. A little bit at a time is okay.
I need to stop smoking because I started smoking again which is stupid of me but I am not going to make myself feel bad about it, it is what it is and I know how to stop smoking, it’s not the hardest thing in the world.
There isn’t any news from the police and I’m not totally unhappy about that because it gives me a chance to recover a bit more physically and mentally before I have to deal with more law enforcement stuff.
That’s all the news. I am going to try to show you some photos of Chile really soon and we’ll see if we can get TLYW a bit closer to where it is supposed to be.
Thank you for your support, readers. TLYW is what is going to save my life and there is no TLYW without you.
Shall we have a tune? Because the music never dies. This one is dedicated to Moody, and also to all of you.
Fontella Bass: Rescue Me (1965)