Biff! Kerpow!

OK, that might be the most fun I’ve ever had at the gym.

When I arrived it was packed and there were no fitness instructors to be seen, so I bided my time. I did my weight training, then went to the restaurant for a carbless chicken burger, then went on the treadmill for an hour. By that time, rush hour was long over and most people had left. The perfect time. I went to the little office where the fitness trainers sometimes lurk and there was one in there.

Gloria: Hello, can I have your expert advice please?
Trainer: Of course! (gets out of his seat)
Gloria: Can you make my dream come true?
Trainer: Well, I don’t know about that but I guess we can try. What do you want to do?
Gloria: That punch bag. I want to hit it. 
Trainer: Well, that’s easy enough. You just hit it.
Gloria: Yes, but I want to hit it properly. I don’t want to just bitch-slap it. I want to look like I know what I’m doing.
Trainer: (laughing) Right, okay. Well, here we are. Put these gloves on. They, erm, might be a bit sweaty.

He was not kidding. They were disgustingly swampy inside and smelled like death as well as being three sizes too large but I bravely plunged my delicate little hands into them anyway and managed to do up the velcro. Then the fitness guy demonstrated how to hit the punch bag. Where to put your feet, where to put your hands, what angle your arms should be.

Trainer: Now you try.

Readers. I adopted the correct stance. I set my jaw, glared at that punch bag and thought of every man who’s ever done me wrong, and then I smacked it as hard as I could, with all my strength, six or eight times.

Trainer: (laughing and looking surprised and also slightly alarmed) Erm, OK, that was very, very good. You are already better than some people. Keep doing that.

So I kept doing it. I stood there and smacked that punch bag until I was exhausted. It was AMAZING. I felt like there was suddenly a reason why I’ve been doing weight training on my upper back, arms and shoulders. It was so that I can box.

Oh god, I loved it. I can’t even tell you. It just felt absolutely fucking fantastic. 2 Health points.

Snap: The Power (1990)

2 thoughts on “Biff! Kerpow!”

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