Shallow End

In which I am a complete Nazi about weight issues, even though I am 11 pounds heavier than I should be.

OK, so I finally got my lazy ass back in the gym. It is extraordinary how hard it is to return to the gym if I missed more than two days, no matter how much I loved it before. It was a real effort of will to return, but my recent step on to the scales has convinced me that I am actually quite tubby and I need to take serious action, also the Speedo bikini does not lie. I got in the pool and felt really noticeably unfit. Managed to do 30 lengths, which is better than nothing. More tomorrow. 1 Health point.

In other news, I scored 1 Home point for tidying up the bedroom and doing five loads of laundry; it was knee-deep in clothes and general crap.

I can see that what is needed here if I am ever, ever going to juggle more than one thing at a time is a Routine. I need a daily routine where I am either in the gym or doing an hour of housework or both very first thing in the morning so that I can stay ahead of the game. This is especially the case if I am going to sustain a relationship with Disraeli.

So. Speaking of which. He is worried about his weight and frankly, so am I. I’ve now seen three versions of Disraeli. (1) Extremely cute, young-looking guy, this is what first attracted me and is his online dating profile photo. (2) Guy who is at least ten pounds heavier than the guy in the photo but still cute, who I met in October or whenever it was. Also, I gained six pounds in two months so I am not going to criticise that much. (3) Guy who is I would guess 15 pounds heavier than version 2. This I am not really super happy about. He’s either experienced a lot of trauma between October and now, that led to comfort eating, or else he just had a really good Christmas. Or something. The point is, he’s now 25, if not 30, pounds heavier than he appears in the advertising, and to be honest, I find him less attractive. It’s making him look old, and I date young because I like arm candy. He could do with dropping 15 pounds right now, immediately. The remainder, I could tolerate. Even though I actually would much prefer to date the guy I saw in the picture and I think that at his age he could regain his slim figure without much difficulty.

So there you go. That’s how shallow I am, that is today’s dilemma and perhaps is the latest way in which I am successfully avoiding having a healthy relationship. And now for a tune.

I have a real treat for you this evening, brothers and sisters. This is the Extended Bad Boy Mix of a hit song from the early nineties by esteemed dancehall reggae artist Super Cat. As well as being a great song in its own right, what makes this outstandingly special is that the later part of the video features the debut performance of Biggie Smalls, truly a king among men and a sex god at any size.

Super Cat ft. Biggie Smalls, 3rd Eye & Puff Daddy: Dolly My Baby (Extended Bad Boy Mix) (1993)

2 thoughts on “Shallow End”

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