Joy! My new Aqua Sphere Vista swimming goggles have arrived, the big massive ones that fit like a diving mask and therefore hopefully don’t give you eye bags. I am so excited to try them out. Guess who is going swimming tonight.

Also in the mail, the Speedo sport bikini that we discussed last time. Ladies, you remember this bikini. In fact, let’s get the picture up again. Here it is.

speedo bikini

I can promise you that I do not look like that in it. It is a UK size 12 (US 8, Euro 40), a size that I should be able to wear and in fact the top part fits me but the bottom half is not a pretty sight. Those are very tight-fitting, low-slung bikini bottoms and I am bulging out all over. I have large, squidgy bulges at the sides, at my hips, and as for the front, well it is not pleasant to view. I look like a darts player with a beer gut. There’s a lot of abdominal fat that just looks bad when it is unrestrained and indeed accentuated by tight knickers.

And that, of course, is the reason why I wanted this swimsuit in my wardrobe. This is much more demanding than the old ‘can I fit into my skinny jeans’ test that we used to rely on, although the jeans test is useful as well. This, though. This bikini is not a test, it is a challenge. It is the Mount Kilimanjaro of exercise clothing. If I can wear this, I can wear anything, and I want to wear it so badly. No matter how long it takes.

That’s why I’m going to the gym again tonight. In a roomy tracksuit and a one-piece swimming costume.

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