Month: January 2014

I will take any motivation that I can get.

The Honcho says yes, he would like dancing, so that is why I am taking my fat, lazy arse to the gym this evening instead of doing what I would prefer to do which is sit around eating jelly and yogurt and doing some more work or even playing World of Warcraft. How much do you want to bet that Disraeli is using the same logic and doing the same thing. Whatever works, people, whatever works. We slimmers need all the help we can get.

Right then. Better pack my bag.

hills blatant


I did 90 minutes of walking today, earning 1 Health point, but more importantly, I cannot stop dancing. I am dance crazy.

  1. Imagine my joy when I found out about this:  I love London so much. Morning Glory is a rave. Held from 6.30 to 10.30 in the morning, for energetic London professionals who will then change into a suit and go to work as city bankers and business strategists and whatnot. There is no alcohol. There is just hours of hardcore dancing. You know how much I need this in my life. Also it’s probably packed with handsome men who have good jobs.
  2. I told Disraeli that if he wants to hang out with me, it is absolutely imperative that he gets comfortable dancing to reggae and gave him a theme song to get him started.
  3. I told the Honcho that, even though there are many things that we are not willing to do for each other, if he wants to see me and he lets me pick the music then I will dance for him all afternoon in the outfits of his choice.

Are you ready? I have to limit how much I play this tune, like not during work hours, for example, because I literally cannot stay in my seat. It’s so funky it hurts my heart and it makes my feet move around on their own. Hey, I should collect a Dance point for this. 1 Dance point. Man. Get down.

Toots and the Maytals: Do the Reggay (1968)


Uh yeah, so I got on the Magic Scales of Flattery this morning and apparently I’ve lost two more pounds since yesterday, making me 138 lbs. I couldn’t believe it. I had to weigh myself three times. I don’t know what is going on, readers.

– Yes, I am dieting. Not really in a calorie counting way but most definitely in a eat less food type of way.

– I just tried on my Karrimore lime shorts, these being the tiniest shorts I own and there is a slight muffin top over the waistband but it’s not like I can only get them over one leg or something. In contrast, I had to bring my blue Lonsdale shorts home from the gym as there was no point keeping them there as they are too big for me.

– I am convinced that I look much fatter than last time I weighed 138 lbs, at the end of October. I am sure of it! I have photos that show me with a thinner face, and my waist was the narrowest I’ve seen it for a long time, definitely narrower than now.

I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t like my natural proportions. I seem to remember weighing about 100 lbs as a teenager, with ribs that showed through my clothing, and even then I had a round tummy.

Anyway, I’m not going to complain. It could be worse, the numbers could be going in the opposite direction. 138 lbs is five pounds off my goal weight, so I will try my hardest to drop another five pounds and then we will see what the Speedo bikini has to say.

Delroy the Beautiful.

I might not have made it to the gym for breakfast, but I made it in time for a late lunch. In line with The Method and also because it happens to be true, I told Delroy that I am never, ever going to have sex with him. Then I told him ‘I am not going to touch you because you are perfect just the way you are. There is nothing I can do for you. You are so beautiful. I think God sent you to make the world a more beautiful place. Every day that I see you is a day that the sun shines’. We stood there for a second and stroked each other’s arms and held hands. Later, he brought me a chicken salad.

46 lengths of the pool. 1 Health point.


I didn’t get up at 5.30, which is what breakfast with Delroy the Beautiful would have entailed, but I was early for my business meeting, so all’s well that ends well. I will have to make a point of going to the gym early in the mornings from now on so I can see him, which is what I wanted to do anyway so that’s good. I really like it when romantic interest lines up with my diet and fitness objectives.

I got on the Magic Scales of Flattery again this morning and apparently I am down to 140 lbs. I don’t feel that skinny and I am not pleased with my silhouette but on the other hand I can fit into my tiniest jeans, just about, so that means something. I don’t know. I look in the mirror and I look enormous. You should have seen the amount of spare flesh that I had to cram into my Gossard waist cincher this morning. I don’t know what to think. I don’t look or feel like I’m only 2 lbs over my lowest ever weight. I am just going to continue superstitiously going to the gym and put my faith in that because it hasn’t let me down in the past.

In other Magickal news, let us discuss The Method and what results it is yielding.

Disraeli – is head over heels in love and has started a vigorous exercise regime because he wants to give me what I want, and what I want is arm candy. I would remind you that I haven’t removed a single item of clothing in the presence of this gentleman, nor have I even kissed him beyond a very chaste peck on the lips.

The Young Scientist – This is a rival of Disraeli’s and is the gentleman who felt moved to get on his knees in a clothes shop while on a lunch date with me the other day. I am not even investing that much time or interest in him. I don’t spend a lot of time talking to him, which I do with Disraeli, and I have explicitly told him that I am involved with other people and he shouldn’t get emotionally attached to me. Guess what is happening. Yes, exactly so.

The Head Honcho – is the most interested in me that he has been in months. I think he likes teaching me. It is a better way of relating to each other. He speaks to me like I have some degree of intelligence. I don’t understand all the things he says but I hope we can keep things on an even keel long enough for me to find out. ‘Trust your instincts’, he says. ‘Question yourself less and listen to your feelings more’, he says. It is fascinating to me. I’ve known him for nearly two and a half years and he is finally talking to me using words such as ‘relationship’ and ‘feelings’. Words that I would have killed for two years ago when I loved him like Disraeli is starting to love me.

Let’s play a tune for the boss. This is proper reggae, a deep, dirty track that is quite unlike the happy dancehall and rocksteady that I often play to get you on your feet. Enjoy the sounds. Probably best if you don’t listen to the lyrics too closely as they are just plain disturbing, a bit like my main man.

Eek-A-Mouse: Wa Do Dem (1981)