Online dating advice for men.

Men. When writing your profile for online dating purposes, be aware that few readers will make it past the first line. This is especially true of match.com where the first line of your profile is all that’s visible until someone clicks through. Therefore, do not use any of the following as your opening gambit. These lines are of no interest to readers, are over-used, make you sound weak and are essentially spam. You are losing potential customers when you announce yourself with these words:

  • Well here we go, deep breath, a bit about me. You don’t need this sentence. You are supposed to write a bit about you, it is your profile. We don’t need to hear you bracing yourself and drawing breath in preparation for the immensely challenging task of drivelling on about what films you like.
  • I am new to online dating. So, you are an online dating virgin. No-one cares. This isn’t a selling point. It is only going to be a selling point to Nigerian princes who urgently need to store a large amount of money off-shore.
  • Ugh, I hate these things, I don’t know what to write. Perhaps you should have thought of something before you started typing.
  • Thought I’d give this online dating business a go. Really, quelle surprise. And here I thought you were doing your grocery shopping.
  • What can I lose by giving this a try. All of your self-respect.
  • As I type this I am watching Jeremy Kyle. And I am shooting up heroin but I don’t write about it on match.com.
  • I’m trying to keep myself busy. This made me tear up a little bit. It hints at a deep level of personal tragedy. I spared myself the harrowing details by not clicking through.
  • This is weird. No, it isn’t.
  • This is the worst part of internet dating. How seductive. Do tell me more about the worst parts of your life.
  • I would describe myself as normal. Good to know.
  • I can never think about what to write on these things. Then stop trying.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

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