I have new Skinny Jeans. They are not new new, they are in fact about four years old yet they are unworn. I remember buying them. It would have been around 2009, near the end of my relationship with the Serious Ex, a year prior to starting this blog. I would have been a lot heavier than I am now. I had in mind at the time of purchase that I was a UK size 12 (US 8) when clearly I was more like a large 14. So I bought these jeans in a 12, and they are not even a generous 12. Like my Karrimore lime shorts, they are more like a size 11, if such a thing existed. I tried them on at home, nearly wept at the immense disparity between the waistband of the jeans and my enormous gut, and relegated them to a plastic crate.
In fact, that was the day I went through my wardrobe and sorrowfully picked out garments that I wanted to keep but was way too fat for, and put them away tidily in that plastic crate which has been buried under a pile of suitcases in the hall ever since.
Today, in 2013, spurred on by my miraculous weight loss, I tentatively pulled out the crate to see what clothes are in there.
The jeans fit me. They are my new Skinny Jeans. They are not baggy in the legs, they are the right width for my legs, which are slim. They are a wee bit too tight around the middle, which is just perfect. It gives me something to work for, in the same way that I’ve worked all these months to get my old skinny jeans to fit me. It stops me getting complacent. Also, I have just had a chicken soup, a latte and a Crunchie, so the fact that I can eat all that and still do the zip up is something that I am calling a victory.
There is a holy grail where my clothes are concerned. Back in 2000, when I used to date Sayed, I had this pink chiffon blouse that I absolutely adored. It was cleavage-tastic, framing one’s bosom in an obscene froth of pink frills. Even better, it didn’t even do up with proper buttons or anything. Just these ties, like ribbons, which you tie together in bows and which your lover can enjoy unlacing later in the evening. Man, I loved that blouse. So cute and sexy. It is a UK size 10 (US 6).
I pulled it out of the box just now and tried it on. I am too hefty for it. I can do it up but it is plainly a size too small and it doesn’t drape correctly. But guys. I tried it on. It went on and the seams didn’t burst. It is too small but only one size too small.
I am wearing the new Skinny Jeans and a slim-fitting size 12 t-shirt right now and I look like a size 12 woman. I look like a woman who is slim but could still do with losing five pounds, mostly off her hips and belly. And that, all things considered, is a pretty happy place to be.
If I can slim down enough so that pink blouse properly fits me, I will go on a date with Sayed just for the sake of wearing it. I would be surprised if the ribbon ties didn’t trigger deep, primal memories in his old lizard brain.