I love walking! I love it. I couldn’t get enough of it today. Reasons why:
- It is as aerobically demanding as you want it to be. You can stroll or you can zoom along. No matter how out of shape you may be, there’s a comfortable pace for you, that you can find. Obviously if you want to lose weight and build muscle you want to eventually work up to going quite fast. Which I usually do. My walking is faster than some people’s jogging.
- With the right music, you feel like you can go forever. I have strong muscles in my legs now and my stamina feels like it might be unlimited.
- It is low impact and that means it is super easy on your joints. And your bosoms. You still need a good bra. I dress the same as one would for long distance running: strong bra, padded socks. It is worth being comfortable.
- You don’t have to concentrate. I find with running I really have to concentrate the whole time. Concentrate on not tripping over something and concentrate on making myself keep doing it. Walking means you can enjoy your surroundings more and check out other people in the neighbourhood and stuff, or even listen to an audio book when you are tired of dance music.
- There isn’t a warm up period. Walking is its own warm up. Also, with running I find that even when I’ve been really good at it, the first 10-15 minutes of any run is horrible, it feels completely unnatural and you have to wait for your body to stop resisting. This doesn’t happen with walking, it is all fun from the first minute to the last.
- Walking will make you perspire but not pour with sweat, make you go pink in the face but not purple, will make you pant but not gasp. Better. More attractive. If I’m going to spend all this money on exercise clothing I want to look sexy in it and not like an aubergine that’s been stuffed into a Nike vest. Speaking of which …
- It is absolutely terrific for your posture. I cannot tell you how much I love this. If you’ve ever done any running, you’ll have observed that many, many people have the most horrible, awkward and painful-looking running style, and indeed I am sure I am one such. People run with their shoulders hunched up around their ears, they run with little flappy Tyrannosaurus Rex arms flapping uselessly in front of them, some people spring into the air on each step and land so heavily you fear they are going to break something. They do this because running is hard. It is a massive effort. There often isn’t the brain capacity to concentrate on good posture because you are using all your concentration on just making yourself run along. That’s why it is often not that pretty to look at. Now let me tell you something about walking. If you want to walk at a fast pace, I mean fast, the kind to get you properly out of breath, without actually breaking into a run, here’s what you will need to do. First, shorten your stride. Quick march, like in the Army. Their posture is always great, right? If they know anything, they know about fucking marching around. So shorten your steps and swing your arms neatly and quick-march in time with the music. See, you are going faster now, with shorter, faster steps. Now here’s the only way you are going to increase your pace more: straighten your back; head up; chin up; shoulders down and back, engage your abs. That’s what shape an erect human body is supposed to be. It looks great, it feels great and it improves your posture in the rest of your daily life. I sit up a lot straighter in my chair at work now.
I walked 12 miles today, a personal best. In the early part of the day I walked 9 miles at a cracking pace, outside in the hot sun, one of my favourite things to do. I loved it. I was sad when it came to an end, I wanted more. I am very happy indeed to report that this walk passed without any Honcho-related mental health incidents. At no point did I send him pictures of myself in a bra or call him a twat. It was good. Everyone was calm today and did not fuck with each other.
This evening I went out to meet tonight’s date. He didn’t show up, which I thought he might not do. Occupational hazard of internet dating, happens occasionally. I waited for him for 10 minutes and then I left, secretly pleased because this meant I could use the time to have a good long walk home.
I got off the tube three miles from my house, just in time to watch the sun set. I put my taut, muscular legs on the Cruise Control setting, loaded up some James Brown on the iPhone and prowled home like a pimp in his best suit. 2 Health points.
Like a, like a sex machine, man. Movin, doin it, you know.
James Brown: Get Up