Got up at the crack of dawn this morning and went to yoga. It was okay. The teacher seemed normal. Here are my previous experiences of yoga teachers:
(1) A woman who tried to convince me, in front of the whole class, mind you, that you shouldn’t stand on your head if you are having your period, suggesting an understanding of human biology that dates from the 16th century.
(2) A man who took hold of my ankle and moved it into a different position, while I was supporting all my weight on it, giving me an injury that left me unable to walk for 2 weeks. I wish I had sued the motherfucker and/or punched his face in. I will soon have the biceps to do that, should I ever see him again.
I do not think it is a coincidence that both these people talked in ridiculous, breathy child’s voices and pretend Indian accents because that makes you more of a yoga expert.
So. When I say this morning’s teacher seemed normal, that’s a compliment. It didn’t seem like a very demanding class and it was only about 45 minutes but I can use the stretching exercises so we’ll maybe carry on with that for a bit.
After yoga, went to the weights room because I wanted to know how to use a couple of machines that are still unfamiliar to me. Picked on the handsomest gym staff member to ask for advice (natch). He was probably about 18. We have a discussion, which was like this. Bear in mind I’m in the gym all the time lately so I’m probably a familiar face.
Him: So what exercise do you do?
Me: Oh, you know. Not much. All those machines there. I walk a few miles each day. A bit of running. [lying]
Him: So what do you want to add?
Me: Well I think I should exercise my back more. And my core. It’s good for running, isn’t it.
Him: Are you training for a marathon?
Me: Erm …. no. I’m, er, not really training for anything. I just want to, you know, lose some weight.
Him: [disappointed] Oh. OK, well here’s how you do the Low Row.
I don’t know whether to be thrilled that it wasn’t obvious from my appearance that I am there to lose flab or sad and embarrassed that I disappointed him. He was so cute as well.
After that, squeezed in a quick five-mile walk because scared not to. 2 Health points.