How to lose 7 pounds in 9 days.


1. Go visit your friend in Yorkshire. Take long walks in the countryside. Eat sensibly.

2. Go on holiday to a country that is extremely hot (more of this in a moment). Spend 7 or 8 days there. Find that the heat has almost wiped out your appetite. Go out on excursions and exhausting tours. Drink gallons of bottled water. Attempt to eat three meals a day but manage barely a couple of mouthfuls per meal. Subsist on about 500 calories/day and don’t even feel hungry.

3. Come home, get on the scales and find you’ve lost half a stone. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I’d lost something but I wasn’t expecting that much. I’m back down to 147 lbs. Of course, now I am back in freezing cold, dark and wet London my appetite has returned because you need food to keep warm. So I’m going to have to try really hard if I want to lose a bit more instead of putting it all back on.

Anyway, the upshot of that is that I’ve magically discarded seven of those 10 pounds I was so upset about having gained, which is a greater stroke of luck than I probably deserve.

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