Month: December 2012

A third date with Marcel.

He booked the hotel. We met there. He told me I looked like a queen. (Wardrobe notes: cerise silk dress and leopard shoes, as seen earlier on TLYW. Fishnet stockings.)

Then I interrogated him at length about his domestic circumstances and he assured me that he has secured complete freedom and licence to do what he wants. Then I gave him a lecture about honesty and then we had sex.

I am seeing him again tonight. There are Rules in this relationship. Clear Rules which are set by me. And that is how we are playing this game.

Five Gold Rings

On the fifth day of Xmas the internet brought to me: a very courteous and well-educated man who sadly is not quite right for yours truly.

I don’t want to say too much about Contestant 5, out of respect. He was a delightful man. Extremely well-informed and knowledgeable. We could have collaborated in an interesting way in our careers, had we met under different circumstances. Very nice man indeed who will make someone an enviable partner. It is sad that there was no chemistry and that he is quite a lot more straight-laced than I am.

Wardrobe notes: I wore the same outfit that I wore to the date known as Four Colly Birds, because both dates were actually on the same day.

Four Colly Birds

On the fourth day of Xmas the internet brought to me: over six foot and 200 lbs of big, smiling Jamaican.

Well. That was great. Contestant 4.1 was lovely. We had lunch and I feel like we grew up together and have known each other all our lives, assisted by the fact that we are almost the exact same age and migrated to London from the same town, where we both just visited our parents for Xmas. We realised that in fact we could have had a date there, lol. Oh, man. We are friends. I am not sure he makes me desire to wear towering heels and expensive lingerie with quite the same urgency as Marcel but we have the same cultural roots and might as well be from the same family.

Am I going to see him again, hell yeah. Where does this leave Marcel, I don’t know. Seems like our gorgeous and cultured Contestant 3 suddenly has competition. Exciting!

Early days, folks, early days. This is the 12 Dates of Xmas, that means there are EIGHT more lovely, fascinating people still to meet. God damn, this project was a great idea.

This is the first time I’ve ever played a song twice on TLYW.

Flight of the Conchords: Business Time


Wardrobe notes: I was a vision in hot pink and milk chocolate brown. Knit jacquard skirt by, you guessed it, Phase Eight, brown vest, pink cropped cardigan. Tights. Boots. Winter rain messing with my hair.

Xmas (enough now).


All right, that’s all the family responsibilities discharged, as of about an hour ago. I am so tired.

1 Friends point because I finally saw my sister and handed over her baby gift.

I DJ’d round at my mom’s, natch, and we had a reggae reggae Xmas Day with dancing in the living room until my mom started to worry that her neighbours were going to hate her because of the massive thumping bass making the walls shake. I told her my neighbours probably couldn’t believe their luck that they were getting a day off.


Good God. You know what Xmas is like. Food that has surrounded me like an army over the last 4 days: sausages wrapped in bacon; crisps; gateau; hot, buttery mince pies; lemon cream puddings; chocolates; cognac. I have dealt with this situation by eating as little as possible. I have been surrounded by party food and fairly successfully eating it in very tiny portions. I actually managed to be quite hungry a lot of the time. Healthiest things I have eaten over the last 4 days: a lot of cheese, turkey, a few tangerines. I don’t feel like I’ve gained loads of weight but I feel pretty weak. I am really looking forward to some nice rough, raw salads now for a while.


Right. Let’s bring ourselves up to speed on the dating news because I am in the incredibly happy situation now of being at home and off work for a few days so I have time to pursue our 12 Dates of Xmas project. I never thought to take a quantitative approach before, it will be very interesting to review where we are when I’ve completed Date 12. I wonder if I’ll be any closer to having found someone I can be enjoyably infatuated with. Anyway, here’s the news.

Contestant 4

You remember he stood me up? He messaged me to apologise and his explanation was plausible enough for someone of his age, so although we aren’t going to make another date, I accepted his apology.


Pfff. I think the heat of passion has worn off. He texted me today, this would be four days since I last spoke to him, which is a long time considering that it’s only 7 days since he was talking about moving in with me. So anyway he finally texts me ‘Merry Xmas’, blah blah. Calls me darling which is good, I already know him well enough to know that this is affectionate. But then he doesn’t say ‘let’s meet this weekend’ or anything like that, he says ‘speak soon’. And then about three hours later he logs into the dating website. So I think the glitter must have fallen off the relationship already, which is a shame because those were two pretty good dates and I fancy him a lot.

Contestant 4.1 

OK, here’s our replacement for Contestant 4.


Points in his favour, as far as I can tell so far: he’s not bad looking actually, he seems confident and I think he’s tall. Points against: I am worried that he is going to be really annoyingly chirpy.

Contestant 5


I don’t know what to think about this guy. He’s my age and seems like a well educated professional. We seem to have similar tastes. But will there be any chemistry there at all, I really couldn’t say. The thing I liked about Marcel was that I looked at his photo and just went ‘yes’ immediately.

Maybe I should be more pro-active on the dating website and target exactly those guys, instead of sitting back and letting everyone email me.

Xmas (cont.)

Xmas continues on. Lots of family visiting. A lot of food and a lot of pressure to eat it. Everyone generally having a good time. What I am doing when I get any time to myself:

  • Walking. I walked for 90 minutes today which is good going considering it absolutely poured with rain the whole time. (1 Health point for exercising.)
  • Thinking. Looking back at my performance this year, I award myself a B. I have had a good time but it has been hedonistic, I am perpetually behind on Chinese and I’m not exercising. Last Xmas I would have earned an A. I need to get that grade back up again and I ought to start straight away.
  • Wondering. I wonder what’s going on at Marcel’s house or in his head. The whole Marcel situation arose so suddenly and is so inherently unstable and precarious that no matter what he says, at the end of each conversation I fully expect never to hear from him again. And perhaps this is a reasonable expectation as in fact we haven’t spoken to each other since the 23rd, which is 3 days ago, yet the dating website shows he was online there on the 24th (for what reason? who could he want to talk to more than me?). So I don’t know. Obviously, it is Xmas, etc. I shouldn’t even care, it’s only that I have nothing more exciting to keep me interested. We’ll resume the 12 Dates of Xmas in a couple of days’ time. Maybe I’ll meet someone more suitable.