Month: June 2012

Busy Saturday

Wake up with stuffy sinuses. Avoid the bathroom scales out of fear. Do 2-3 hours of Chinese homework, earning 1 Chinese point.

Now to catch up on some urgent work from the office. Let’s see how fast we can get that done because there’s lots more on my agenda for today and the weekend. Dating news later.

Groove Committee: Dirty Games (1992)


A quick news round-up

I am so busy at the moment, the days are rushing past. Here’s a quick overview of what’s been happening lately.


Weakly Weigh In

I’ve gained two pounds, making me 10 stone and 7 lbs or 147 lbs.  I am actually paying attention to this situation now and trying to eat more thoughtfully because I am not impressed with myself at this point.



I went to another Chinese class. I am keeping up okay which is a surprise because I am struggling to find time to do a single stroke of homework. It’s a problem, needs to change.



I’ve been to two art exhibitions that I haven’t even got time to discuss. Although if you want links, have a look at the Art category on the Achievements page. One was Istanbul Modern, the other was the October Gallery in London.



Went to see L and her baby, having rescheduled twice. And even then it was a situation where I really should have been at the office getting on top of some paperwork. On a Sunday evening. We are busy at work.

I am using what little free time I do have at home to hurriedly make a baby gift for a friend. The baby is due any day now. I obviously should have just knitted a hat or bootees or something but no, I had to commit myself to a huge project that is soaking up every spare minute.



This is the other major drain on my time, and has been for weeks. It is so addictive. You always think the next date, the next date, is going to be the one that turns into a regular thing and saves you from having to go out all the time. But it never is. Plus you can waste immense amounts of time just reading all the incoming emails, never mind replying to them, never mind chatting to people on IM, never mind making arrangements, never mind actually going out to see them. I am sincerely trying to rein it back and I still have another 5 dates lined up. Let’s have a quick review of dates past and present:


  • Little Fairy. No news. I don’t think she wants to take it any further. That’s fine. She was beautiful but also a complete airhead and that inevitably would have become a problem at some point in the relationship. You can’t go out with someone just because they have nice hair and legs.
  • The Academic. That was an amusing date. There was no chemistry in real life but it turns out that she and I slightly knew each other 25 years ago in another city and have mutual friends. So that was a really fun evening, full of ‘do you remember so-and-so, let’s text him and say hi!’  I’ll see her again for reasons of being friends if not for any more romantic purpose.


  • A 29-year-old gay girl who I am not really sure why I am meeting except that I like girls just now and I’ve rescheduled her once already so I sort of feel obliged.
  • Another lesbian, 46, unusual taste in hats. She seems like she might be an interesting character. Whether I expect that I’m going to be attracted to her, I couldn’t say.
  • A 36-year-old Swiss guy. Pros: pretty face, has a PhD. Cons: a bit smug and I would have preferred him 10 years older. I think I am seeing him this week. That should be fun because I have an incredibly heavy work week and I am going to show up to this date exhausted and in business-wear.
  • A 25-year-old guy. Sigh. I do not go looking for these young guys, I swear, they come to me. This one is very attractive, embarrassingly so if his pictures are to be believed, and he is nothing if not persistent. After turning him down several times by repeatedly telling him that he is too young, I eventually cracked and agreed to meet him. I am seeing him this week and see above remarks about showing up for dates exhausted and in business clothing.
  • Mustn’t forget to mention the last guy. I’ve been talking to him online for about 8 months or something. I finally agreed to meet him. I don’t know why I am meeting him except that I’ve been talking to him for a long time.

I can see a pattern here, can you? Firstly, I am not doing that well at only dating women. Secondly, I date a lot of people for no special reason, in the hope that there will be something interesting or desirable about them. Which I suppose there occasionally is. Although I rarely meet anyone who I think can offer anything that I couldn’t have got from Klaus or JC. Which brings us to:

Ongoing and On Hold

  • Klaus. My darling Klaus, my BFF. We keep each other sane through all of our combined dating nonsense. It is a lovely, kind, mutually supportive and uncomplicated friendship that we will never ruin by attempting to turn it into anything more serious.
  • Lizard King. Will be back on this side of the world in a couple of weeks. I remain undecided on that one, he certainly will give me a run for my money but if anything it might be a bit too exciting and too much of a rollercoaster. This is assuming he even wants to take things any further with me. I dunno. I am unsure about this one. It seems to have a lot of the things I want but possibly in too strong a formula. I don’t need to be on the edge of my seat with excitement the entire time. Just some of the time.


  • JC talks to me sometimes. He thinks I’m his and indeed has always thought that since the day I met him. He is suspicious of Lizard King, as well he might be. But he does not want me so badly that he’s prepared to offer me a worthwhile relationship or even regular dates. So that’s him. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start investing in him again. I just sometimes find it soothing to talk to someone who I know well when I’ve been out for the 27th night in a row with 27 total strangers.
  • Laurent. I think it might be over. Such a shame. I really liked him. Not exactly in a relationship way but in a FWB type of way. He’s a lovely soul. I think he wants a proper girlfriend who’s his own age, though. He’s only 33 and I am a very formidable and strong-flavoured 45.

Look at all that. Look at that huge long list of people. All that, all those people, all that time out of my diary, and I am still not getting any sex apart from seeing Klaus. And even then we don’t have sex every time we meet, we don’t see each other more than about once or twice a month right now and I don’t want to over-burden the friendship because it is just beautiful the way it is.

Other Notable People Who Have Approached Me On The Dating Website

This is within the last 12 hours:

  • Some mentally-challenged guy in his 20s who wrote to me expressly to tell me that I am a whore. Like I should be anything but amused by his moral code. The poor deluded soul.
  • And finally. A really interesting guy. Well travelled. Well read. Loves the same books as I. Perfect for me in so many ways. 85 years old.

I might go and see him. If I’m going to make time for all these young no-hopers I might as well make time for a much older one.

And that, folks, is where all my time is going. Good god. I might marry Mr Eighty-Five. That would take me off the market for a few months, wouldn’t it.

Little Fairy

I went on a date with a woman last night and she was adorable. She had long blonde hair and big eyelashes. She wore a tiny little dress that ended halfway down her silky thighs. We sat in a restaurant together and drank too much wine. After a while I changed seats so I could sit next to her on this sofa thing. She talked, I listened, I took her hand and held it. After a while I put my other hand on her thigh and stroked her legs and sent a finger or two under her hemline (the waiter was grinning like a fool when he spotted what was going on). A little while after that I told her to kiss me, which she did. And after that when the restaurant wanted to close and chuck us out I held her hand all the way back to the tube station. She was a fragrant, fragile little fairy doll.

Whether we make it to a second date is up to her but either way she has stimulated my appetite and I am dating women now until further notice. There’s another one tonight, an academic. I’ll let you know what happens.

Nomad: I Wanna Give You Devotion (1991)

The Mom You Want

Readers. Things at TLYW headquarters are about to take an interesting turn. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it but I am the parent of a young adult. Let’s call him Little G. Ever since this blog started, Little G has been away at university in a city that’s not London. Well, Little G has finished his degree and he is moving back home. In here. With me. To live with me, until further notice. He is going to need help finding a place on a corporate graduate training scheme and he’s going to need some expensive dental work before it’s even worth attending any interviews, something he’s been putting off until he was finished with all his exams.

Let us consider the practical implications of this new state of affairs.

Things that will have to cease immediately:

– Entertaining hot dates at my place. Not that my sex life isn’t dead in the water at the moment anyway, but in the lifespan of TLYW I’ve had more sex here than I’ve had anywhere else and only a fraction of it was in the bedroom. So I guess we can say goodbye to all that. This is the part I am most gutted about. I mean, sure, if I had a nice, steady boyfriend my own age who only wanted to have sex really quietly under the duvet, there wouldn’t be a problem. But (1) I am not in the market for a nice, steady boyfriend, (2) the age thing is an issue because my admirers skew young, there will have to be a complete ban on Klaus coming over because he is so young that Awkward Scenes will result if Little G were ever to meet him; (3) the thought of having sex quietly under the duvet makes me feel like giving up on sex altogether. Not that JC is a consideration, but just to give an example, I doubt he has ever seen the wrong side of a duvet in his whole life.

This is not good, in fact I am dismayed. I am going to have to go through my entire flat and hide anything that betrays evidence of my sex life because my place will no longer be the lair of the Acid Queen but a family home in which I get to be Mommy. I will even have to be careful about what I’m doing on my computer because I have a large monitor right here in the living room and some of the IM conversations I’ve had with JC, on so many happy evenings, achieved heights of obscenity that would have made the Marquis de Sade break out in a round of applause. No more of that, you can’t have someone who calls you Mommy walking in on that.

I suppose I can also say goodbye to: walking around the house in the nude; sleeping with my bedroom door open; drying my freshly-washed underwear in the hall.

Other things that will have to cease forthwith, and at least these are all to the good:

– occasionally smoking cigarettes out of the window (good, this is good).

– periodically letting the flat get into a complete state and not cleaning the bathroom or doing the washing up.

New practices that will have to begin:

– buying food and meal planning. Fucks sake. At the time of writing, there is almost no food in my fridge. There’s a bit of salad that’s about to go off and some cheese that might or might not still be okay. I have tended to regard the fridge as basically a place for storing cocktail ingredients. So it is not empty. It just doesn’t have any food in it. Previous experience of living with Little G tells me that if he is left to his own devices, he will not cook, he will just go to the kitchen and nosh on whatever is high-calorie and can be eaten straight out of the pack. This is an expensive way to live. It also leads to a lot of waste. Also, unlike me, he does need to eat regularly (I can’t remember the last time I had an evening meal at home, I am either out or else I don’t bother). There is one solution to this problem and it makes my heart sink a bit. I am going to have to start doing weekly meal plans, like Flylady says to, thinking ahead about matters such as Breakfast and Dinner, shopping for groceries and preparing and eating actual meals at actual mealtimes. This is the only way that I will be able to feed him while keeping food costs under control.

– budgeting. Oh, this is long overdue, isn’t it. I’ve put it off for so, so long but now is the time.

Existing practices that will benefit from the new regime:

– Chinese. If I’m going to live like a nun and adhere to practices such as organised Mealtimes, then I can see how I will get a lot of Chinese homework done.

– Running. As above. All this clean living ought to make going for a run seem like a real thrill. There will no longer be a contest between clean living and the sort of living that makes you wake up with a hangover and a hot 25-year-old, thus putting running completely out of the picture.

Oh, readers. It’s going to be okay, isn’t it? Tell me it will be okay. My life doesn’t have to be one long episode of Sex and the City in order for me to be happy, does it?

Dating Weak

It has been a really shit week for dating. I feel like my considerable beauty and charm are going to waste.

As you will recall, the last exciting news on the dating front was last Thursday, the 7th. That was the night I met a man who shall henceforth be known as the Lizard King, a man so terrifically exciting that I felt like going home and hiding behind the wardrobe, for fear of the tsunami of excitement that might ensue. Well, let me tell you, after the 10 days that immediately followed, I would be all over him if he were here now. But he is not here now and nor is anyone else who is fun to play with. Let us assess the rather dire situation.

  • Lizard King. Is on the other side of the world for a month. Back in July.
  • Laurent. I have seen him but all his joie de vivre is missing. He has lost his job and is miserable and preoccupied.
  • Klaus. Busy with work and some creative projects, doesn’t want to come out to play right now.
  • Farid. Completely dropped off the radar. I was not very surprised about that to be honest. Bless him, he is a sincere and true romantic, while I have such a sharp edge, it would have ended in bloodshed and it would not have been my blood. A pity but you have to be willing to acknowledge when you are not compatible.

Added to which:

  • Thursday. Met a man whose dating site profile made him sound so uber hard and cool and then when I met him was the very pinnacle of ordinary, if such a thing is imaginable. He was a nice bloke but bloody hell. He needs a nice, cosy profile to match, not one that makes him seem like Marilyn Manson.
  • Friday. Friday’s date flaked on me at the last minute. Thanks a lot.
  • Saturday. Gah. That was really hard work. I’ve just returned from this date in a moderately bad mood. He was super keen to arrange a date with me but then he showed up an hour late and then we spent 90 minutes together in which I could not reach him or strike up any rapport with him at all. And then when I gave that as my reason for departing he acted dismayed and said he thought we were getting on well. In which case I dread to think what it is like for him when dates go badly.

So that’s me. This Weak of Dating has left me annoyed and frustrated.

In other Weakly News, I have neither gained nor lost any weight this week according to the scales, but I have once again got a muffin top on my skinny jeans, and unlike the scales, the jeans do not lie.

I did go to Chinese class, having missed about four lessons, so I get one Chinese point for that and I’ve now got a month of catching up to do so I might as well do that what with the dating climate being so thoroughly disappointing just at the moment.

You will know I am back in the groove when I start playing music again because it is supposed to be the season of Summer House but nothing sounds good right now, in the same way that sometimes you just don’t feel much like eating food.

The Indoor Market

Sometimes it’s good to get indoors, it was 32 degrees outside on the day I found this place. It sells spices, confectionery, ceramics, jewellery and textiles. Of course the whole thing is for the benefit of tourists but it was still really lovely.






Outside the market, this man was selling coffee and having his photo taken with his customers. I’m not sure who the little boy belongs to.

Istanbul at night.

Karakoy Harbour

The boat dropped me at Karakoy Harbour, which looks like this.



At this point I was dreadfully lost so naturally I marched purposefully across the bridge, with no idea where I was going. Everyone fishes off the bridge, as you can see here.