Today finds me in a considerably improved temper. I have had an interesting work day with new clients in which I was on sparkling form all day and I am about to have a highly stimulating weekend thanks to the glitzy world of international business, which I will tell you about when it is over. I love my job, I am so good at it and it is very uplifting of one’s spirits to be surrounded by new people all the time who want to buy you drinks and tell you how original and clever you are, who’s not going to like that? Really puts JC in his place, makes me feel like he’s the only person I know who isn’t falling over themselves to spend time in my company and therefore any deficiency is clearly on his side and not mine.
Added to which I have received affectionate text messages today from Klaus, Farid and Laurent, it is like having a fan club. A very good day all round. Feeling very successful and popular. Just what I needed.
That’s where his number is. In my old phone. Which has no sim card but a functioning battery.
Don’t worry, I won’t use it.
The text messages made me cry. The first one from me is where I tell him that I love him, for the first time, all the way back on 22nd November. And there’s a message from him that I remember well, from 30 December. He was on holiday in France and I was in London, about to go on a date with another man. I taunted him with that, and he said:
“Nothing you can do tonight will change the fact that you’re mine.”
He meant it. He was so sure of himself and he made me sure of him. I was his and we bathed in it.
It’s been some time since he loved me like that.
Sorry to go on about it, I don’t know who to tell, if not all of you.
People who have approached me today on the dating website.
- Girl, 20. Very persistent. I am not dating 20-year-olds, can you imagine how happy her parents would be.
- Man in some obscure corner of the southern USA who loves god and is looking for a ‘very serious’ relationship. WTF. I swear they don’t read the profile, they just look at the pictures and get all dreamy-eyed.
- Man who initially seemed quite promising but turned out to be married. Dude. I have had the simple courtesy to not be married to someone else, why can’t you do the same.
Where is JCII? He needs to show up soon. I have missed JC Original so awfully badly today and the above is not helping.
Not much happening here, just checking in. Had a very relaxing weekend, spent part of it with Klaus who is a lovely distraction and the rest of it playing video games. It’s uncharacteristically hot weather here in London, such that if you can stay awake all day you feel you’ve done well. I’m about to get busy at work again including over next weekend so I need to get myself in gear for that now.
Had a two-message text exchange with Farid – ‘thank you for a lovely evening’ type of thing. Other than that he is quiet and I can’t say I even noticed over the weekend, due to being otherwise occupied.
JC is quiet. This I do notice. I am glad I destroyed his number and all his texts as otherwise I might have cracked by now. I keep reading things that I know he would like and wanting to tell him about them. There are certain things that I talk to JC about that I don’t share with anyone else and I miss that. It’s been about six days. Last time we played I’m-Not-Talking-To-You it lasted 10 days before I caved in so it could be weeks before he loses enough confidence in my return to come looking for me.
Why am I talking like this? He’s not going to turn into the energetic and impassioned lover that I would really like, no matter how much I leave him to his own devices. I need to move on.
Debbie Pender: Movin’ On (1997)
Here’s the dating weather forecast for the weekend.
– This afternoon’s date with Frederick Douglass was just postponed. This means I can relax this afternoon, which is very welcome.
– No news re Farid but then I only just saw him.
– I am going to leave the ‘not contacting JC’ ticker up even though I am in two minds about how much I need it. Since I destroyed his number and all his text messages, it’s not that easy for me to contact him. It’s not like I’m going to email him and confess to having deleted his number on purpose and then ask him to give it to me again, lol. Even I would find that embarrassing and I have no shame. I confess to thinking about the fact that he presumably will contact me sooner or later and how I am going to feel about that. I guess the longer he leaves it, the less effortful it will be for me to ignore him when he finally gets in touch.
Klaus and I are getting along beautifully as always, it is an exemplary little friendship where we are mutually respectful, attentive and supportive. So nice. He’s so German: rational, clear-headed, doesn’t let his feelings dictate his actions. Love him. He is my drink of cold water in between all the French craziness. Klaus, here’s a song for you, baby.
Strike: U Sure Do (1994)
I’ve eaten pretty carefully this week except for last night when I went crazy and ate loads of ice cream. I’ve also weighed myself more than once this week, I was expecting to record a small loss this morning, yet according to my scales I’ve gained seven pounds since yesterday. I find this so terribly difficult to believe that I am just going to record this week as no change.
I went running again yesterday and sucked at it. I think I am going to have to redo the 5k-101 running programme, I can start about half way through where you run two or three blocks of 8 minutes, that’s about where I’m up to at the moment. My running partner doesn’t want to run with me until I’ve regained some fitness – how mortifying.
I had a perfect second date with Farid. He is kind and affectionate. He put his arm around me on the tube (so nice to be on a real date with a real live person, JC has been like the Ghost of Christmas Past). We had a lovely dinner together in which he romantically fed me morsels of this and that. Happiness. JC crossed my mind approximately once during the evening and he seemed a rather sour character in comparison.
In other news, Laurent called me yesterday, looking to get together. We checked diaries and thanks to our packed schedules including holidays and work-related travel we aren’t simultaneously available until the start of June but that’s okay.
It’s nice to feel wanted.
The Source feat. Candi Staton: You Got The Love